JUST BRENDA: My parents won’t accept my wife - Daily Nation

JUST BRENDA: My parents won’t accept my wife and it hurts

Tuesday September 4 2018

They were always against us because she is from a different community and church. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

They were always against us because she is from a different community and church. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP 

Hello Brenda,

How do I make my parents accept my wife? They were always against us because she is from a different community and church. But even after she changed and started coming to our church and has fully embraced our culture, they just won’t accept her. I love her and I don’t want her to continue hurting. It reached a point I also avoid going to the village because of how they treat her. She really tries to be nice despite the rejection and bad-mouthing from relatives. My sister also feels her pain and she is my wife’s only supporter and comforter when we are at home. Please advise.

 

You know, you left your parents' home as she left hers to become one with this woman. The number one priority in your life is your wife, who, ideally, is a part of you. You should be treating her with the same regard that you would treat yourself.

And so this problem of in laws must be hurting you deeply, because your family is perpetuating the terrible in laws myth that all newlyweds are scared of.

It is particularly disgusting because it sounds like she has tried her best to understand your culture, and even change her church. There is nothing your family is learning in their church, by the way. I would suggest you both change churches and limit interactions with your family until they can learn courtesy. I know this sounds extreme, but I really feel they are being extreme as well. You see, in response to your question, you cannot MAKE your parents accept your wife. Either they choose to, by virtue of her being your wife, or they choose not to. They have chosen not to. You must now make the choice about whether you're going to subject your beloved to constant derogatory behaviour, or stand by her when she needs you the most. Thank God for your sister, who can communicate to the family what you're feeling when she sees them. For now, make your own path. You see, your family also has no choice but to be related to you – they can't cut out the part of the blood that is yours. Your wife, however, is not so obligated. Which one is easier to protect? The one who can leave, or the one who won't?

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Do you have a problem to share with Brenda? Please email: [email protected]

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