JUST BRENDA: My sister wants to control my wedding

Hi Brenda,

Thank you for your good work.

My problem is sort of based on the relationship with my sister.

She has taken over my wedding. She chose the colours ( I did not want those colours), chose the vendors and now she even says she disagrees with the choice of a wedding gown because it is too tight. She is my older sister and I don’t want to upset her because I know she is taking this wedding as her own because she is unmarried. How do I broach this subject as sensitively as possible?

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Hi,

This is a tricky one. You must now grow a backbone. You see, the thing is, as much as you feel for your sister, it is YOUR wedding.

Yes, your family ahs a role to play, and yes, it is great that she wants to help you...but it is YOUR wedding.

Do you want to show up at a wedding that doesn't even remotely look like something you wanted in a dress you feel frumpy in that you still want to pay for?

If you want a tight dress, you want a tight dress. Ha. End of story. And, if the tables were turned, she would hate it if you were to do something like this for her wedding.

So you need to first of all stop taking her to vendors. Go with your bridesmaids, that's what they're there for.

Have a talk with her and explain that you're going to need her to take a step back for a second and you'll communicate to her when you need her help.

Sure, she'll be hurt, in the beginning, but if she values you as a sister and as an individual, she'll get over it eventually.

Delivery is also delicate because really, no matter how you say it, she is going to be hurt. So, just SAY it.

Hopefully on the wedding day, you'll be so happy, it won't even matter, right?

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