WIFESPEAK: We should delegate some ‘female’ roles to men

I was raised on the mantra that says what a man can do, a woman can do better. There’s no equivalent phrase that applies to men and if he tries to “do what a woman can do better”, he will most likely face ridicule.

Take my hubby, for instance, on the day he decided to take our girls to the hair salon only to be faced with a battery of jargon he didn’t know what to do with and a bill way beyond what he had imagined a salon visit costs.

Hair salons, as we know, are a sacred place for women. It takes a man with guts, or one desperate enough to have his daughters’ hair done, to venture in.

Hubby doesn’t give much details of what transpired when he entered the salon. From the evidence I’ve gathered, there were stares and amused expressions as he tried to explain what I had instructed.

“Blow dry and lines, ” he told the hairdresser. She had ruffled our little girl’s hair and asked,

“Lines Mlazo, Ethiopian or Ghanaian?”

He thought she was joking. Our older daughter intervened.

“Lines without hair piece for her but mine is blow dry and tonging.”

He took his son and they went to their regular Kinyozi next door.

He must have felt helpless and the hairdresser's condescending attitude did not help matters.

STUNNED

The world of women must be a harsh place for men. He was stunned to receive the outrageous salon bill. But the real shocker came when the girls came home with limp hair, suspiciously smelling of ammonia.

I knew something was wrong, especially because within days, our older daughter’s hair looked like a cat’s fur and kept shedding off.

It turns out that unscrupulous salonists mix the spray water with a chemical so that during blow dry, our kinky hairs get chemically straightened to achieve a sleek straight finish.

While the damage on an adult’s hair may be negligible, it completely messes a child’s delicate hair.

Their dad had no clue as he brought home his spruced up girls that their hair had just been damaged. I consulted a professional hairdresser. Our options were limited.

“The older one’s is pretty damaged. We can either give a clean shave or safely texturise with the child friendly chemicals.”

Between a clean shave and jumping off a bridge, a teenager would choose the bridge. So we did the professional texturising, the younger one’s was not so bad, so she got a neat hair cut but retained a decent length.

SHOULD HAVE SUED THE SALON

We probably should have sued the salon. Who are we kidding? Who cares about the children welfare when we’ve seen horror clips of children being battered by teachers? Who does compliance checks with salons if corporal punishment goes on unabated in schools?

And would our court system accommodate a case about damaged hair when they have yet to sort child molestation cases?

Anyway, we did what any parent would do. We took our lesson and let things be. The salon days with my girls, clearly, cannot be delegated.

Well, perhaps only to their aunt But there are roles that women have decided must remain with women-to our own detriment-even when clearly men are well equipped and happy to do. Take some parenting roles like feeding babies or diaper change.

A father walks the pregnancy journey with his wife, talking to the belly for nine months. Then sweats it out in the delivery room, encouraging the wife to push, getting cursed out when the pain is unbearable and finally holding his wrinkled baby.

WHY INSIST ON TEACHING ONLY THE MOTHER?

He wants to be involved in every process but the midwife insists on teaching only the exhausted mother on the basics of baby care. She sends the father on mundane errands; “Go check if there is traffic jam” while she delicately takes the mother through the process of how to bathe a new born.

And the mother spends the first two years of her child’s life exhausted, because she figures the father is helpless with his child.

Everyone keeps talking about what the mother should do, even commercials show only mothers cuddling babies. Meanwhile, the father wonders whether his role was the seed donation and thank you, sir.

The poor boy child, what happens to single fathers of daughters? What do they do when there are a zillion no go zones for men, like salons? A man buying sanitary pads receives weird looks.

But when I buy him underwear no one even raises an eye brow. For all I know, I could shout across the mall;

“Extra-large boxers!” and people will, nonchalant continue chatting on WhatsApp.

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Karimi is a wife and mother who believes marriage is worth it. Do you have feedback on this article? Please email: [email protected]