My daughter's suicide pushed me to help others deal with grief

Jenetta Barry helps people deal with grief and deep loss. PHOTO | COURTESY

What you need to know:

  • Her 16-year-old daughter, had hanged herself in her bedroom after a confrontation with her mum in 2005.
  • Bogged down by a failed marriage and immense grieving for her daughter, Jenetta didn’t think she had it in her to pick up the pieces and have a ‘normal’ life again.
  • She also contemplated suicide, but a phone call from her brother saved her.
  • Do you have a story to share? Please email [email protected]

Two years after her daughter committed suicide, grief and trauma specialist Jenetta Barry also planned to make an attempt on her own life.

Bogged down by a failed marriage and immense grieving for her daughter, Jenetta didn’t think she had it in her to pick up the pieces and have a ‘normal’ life again.

“It was daunting. Feeling isolated and alone, my days became blurred and I shuffled through the hours like an automated puppet.”

Jenny, her 16-year-old daughter, had hanged herself in her bedroom after a confrontation with her mum in 2005. Before that, she had attempted taking her life four times.

“Over a period of time, Jen had become more and more manipulative, using the threat of not coping with life and suicide in order to manoeuvre herself out of being responsible and accountable.

Rehearsals for the production of "Insight", a production that explores depression, suicide and solutions. PHOTO | COURTESY

“This had resulted in our argument and now she was in her room packing her bags to leave home... I went to check up on her. I walked into her bedroom, and saw that it had been trashed. Her belongings had been thrown everywhere… Jenny was not there…

“I moved the curtain that separated her bedroom from her bathroom… And found her … hanging from her shower rail with a broken neck.”

Jenetta planned to end her life on the eve of the second anniversary of her daughter’s death.

But her brother’s phone call that night woke her from her reverie, giving her another lease at life. That incident helped her acknowledge her daughter’s death as she felt Jenny had gone through similar pain.

“I was able to understand that Jenny’s uniqueness in deciding to leave this planet was a reasonable decision for her and that she had her own unique reasons.”

Rehearsals for the production of "Insight", a production that explores depression, suicide and solutions. PHOTO | COURTESY

DEALING WITH GRIEF

Jenetta then got into programmes that helped her deal with her grief, after which she started helping others.

“I became able to shift the story I had in my head that my life was dreadful. As much as Jenny’s death has been a deep loss, it has also specially led me to live my life on purpose, something I had been searching for all my adult years.”

With a group of 30 Kenyan artistes, Jenetta launched a theatrical production titled "Insight" at the Kenya National Theatre. The production was used as a forum to address issues of depression and suicide.

The production has three different scenarios with each exploring a different crisis.

The first scene explores the pressures of society that often lead depressed people to feel inadequate and worthless, and in turn addresses the dogmas, stigmas and taboos about depression and suicide.

A poster for the dance "Insight", which explores depression, suicide and solutions. PHOTO | COURTESY

The second scene demonstrates basic coping tools and techniques a person can use to deal with their extreme conflicting thoughts and emotions.

The final scene tries to help those who are dealing with a depressed or suicidal person.

Generally, there is a basic medical support system to assist depressed or suicidal-inclined people, but there is very little support for family and close friends trying to cope with their relative’s or friend’s condition.

“I acknowledge that working through the loss of my child is and always will be a life-time process. At the same time, I am thankful for the powerful once-hidden gifts that I now have and work with in my life as a result of this loss.

“Every day I wake up with a sense of purpose—living my life on purpose—assisting people around the globe to work through their challenges and trauma…and I am deeply grateful for the legacy that all this will leave behind long after I am gone.”

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Do you have a story to share? Please email [email protected]