WIFESPEAK: Don't let emotional baggage destroy your family - Daily Nation

WIFESPEAK: Don't let emotional baggage destroy your family

Wednesday May 16 2018

Screaming at your child “Do the dishes or I will make you clean the curtains and carpet!” is better than calling your child a name, a label, such as a lazy good for nothing goat or some other animal.

Screaming at your child “Do the dishes or I will make you clean the curtains and carpet!” is better than calling your child a name, a label, such as a lazy good for nothing goat or some other animal. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP 

By KARIMI GATIMI
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The first time I heard of generational curses was during a prayer by a very passionate man of God.

He implored God to break every bondage and generational curse. I do not remember much of the rest of the prayer as I drifted into other thoughts. Do not judge.

Am I the only one that thinks random thoughts during particularly long prayers, then pitch myself back to the prayer moment?

I was  intrigued by the phrase.   I pondered about curses and witchcraft. Could it mean that an ancestor somewhere committed a terrible thing against another person and hence brought a curse to a generation?

Could it mean that there is a cursed generation, for whatever reason? Who was behind these curses and why and how was the curse done? Did they spit at the generation, then on the ground, rub the wet soil and murmur a curse?

Or did someone tie knots of witchcraft and curse a generation?

WOUNDED PARTNER

A friend invited me to a seminar titled Father Wounds. I tell you, didn’t I realise how much wounding a parent can do?  And how much a spouse has to put up with when married to a wounded partner. And how all this ends up being a cycle of pain and wounds, which lead to generational curses.

“Most people walk around nursing hurts collected when they were as young as four years,” Said the speaker.

Parental wounding could be from the verbal abuse or the demeaning words a parent tells their child. It could also be from witnessing the parents hurt each other.

Children are sensitive beings that absorb emotions like a sponge.

I came home pensive, a worried, albeit equipped mother. How much of my own wounding was I passing onto my children? And how much pain would they in turn pass onto their children? What about my spouse? What hurts are we passing onto our generation?

When we say that a family has a fiery temper, or has thievery tendencies, all these and other curses can be traced to a source. Only the source did a thorough job passing on the curse, making it a trend in the family.

 I left that seminar an empowered mother and wife. Well, maybe mother, because as a wife, I cannot change hubby but just pray for him to deal with his demons as I deal mine. I feel equipped in that now, my yelling at the children is more constructive than wounding their little souls with hurtful outbursts.

Screaming at your child “Do the dishes or I will make you clean the curtains and carpet!” is better than calling your child a name, a label, such as a lazy good for nothing goat or some other animal.

Someone once said that if you call your child a goat, be not surprised when one day they up and bleat like one. It applies to your spouse. What your mouth utters about or against them is what you get.

It is a good thought to know that we have also at our fingertips the power to break these generational curses. If your wife is getting heavier, tell her that she is curvy and that you would love it if she would keep the curves well-toned. The counsellor did not say this, but I think it is better than telling her that she is fat. If you figure how to tell your husband, without hurting his ego, that the potbelly is getting things too complicated, please share with the rest of us.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

As for your child, when they put an effort at something, please do acknowledge and compliment. You can then point out those areas that if they put as good an effort, they would excel as well as they just did.

On a sombre note, many marriages are at breaking point because of these unacknowledged generational curses that plague the relationships. It takes knowledge or is it wisdom for a man or woman to realise that they have carried toxic baggage from toddlerhood, into their adulthood and dumped it into their marriage.

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Karimi is a wife and mother who believes marriage is worth it. Do you have feedback on this article? Please email: [email protected]