JUST BRENDA: He says I don't trust him

Hi Brenda,

I'm in a relationship. We quarrel almost every day because he chats with other women and I don't like it. When I get jealous, he says that I don't trust him. It's just that I don't want to lose him. What should I do?

Dear Please Don’t Look at His Phone Priscilla,

There are two problems here, but the biggest one here is boundaries. You need to re-establish boundaries in your relationship. If something makes you uncomfortable, he should be able to respect that, particularly if it is preventable.

Have a conversation with him and explore why he is texting other women. Also have a conversation about why you feel jealous. Are you actually jealous, or do you just need reassurance (again, easily manageable)?

Does his texting prevent him from bonding with you? Because that is crossing a line. Why are you so scared of losing him, if, by disrespecting your wishes, he is showing that he wants to go?

Discuss this with yourself as well, because that speaks to a deeper esteem problem as well.

As you establish boundaries, also establish that on both sides, there are consequences to actions. i.e. when one partner keeps doing something the other partner doesn’t like, and you have a discussion, and something doesn’t change, this could lead to the end of a relationship.

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