I am a great fan of your encouraging articles. I have a problem and I need your help.
I used to date and I had a lot of fun with women before I met this girl who totally changed that. I met her in college and we dated for one year. I loved her so much but suddenly things changed.
Last July, she admitted to me that she was pregnant with someone she used to see while we were still together. We since broke up.
The problem is, the heartbreak she left me with is so strong that I find it difficult to trust a woman. I am not able to date anymore because I am afraid the same will happen to me.
Beautiful women have approached me for dates but I am too afraid to flirt. I see every woman as a player or a joker. Please help.
Dear Frantic Frank,
You must look at yourself long and hard and figure out if you want to be alone forever. You cannot lock yourself up for the rest of your life because of someone else's betrayal.
Choosing to be alone is very much a viable option, however, you do sound like someone who wants that bond with someone, that trusting companionship into old age.
Unfortunately, dating in our times is like a war zone, an extreme sport, if you will. The good news is that everyone has been hurt by someone. The bad news is – everyone has been hurt by someone.
Relationships are a leap of faith for everyone involved, and so trust is an absolute essential every time you are pursuing something with someone new.
Even more unfortunately, you will probably meet a good number of terrible people before you meet someone you can be with. It's a fact of life.
What I would advise is – find a way to get over your trust issues. Speak to someone and put your feet back in the dating game, even if it's one at a time.
What you are doing now is punishing yourself for something someone else did to you – which you really don't deserve. You are hurting yourself, while someone else is going on happily with their lives.
It is a long process to recover from, but even admitting it, as you have done in your letter, is a good step – congratulations! Now do some soul searching, go through the process of mourning and renewal, feel the fear and get out there anyway.
Do you have a problem for Brenda? E-mail: [email protected]