WIFESPEAK: How reading makes you a better spouse

Reading a novel not only takes you to places that you will never go to but also introduces you to deeply intriguing characters. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • I have no idea how people that do not read widely manage to survive the delicate art of parenting, marriage, career, in laws, bad politics, hiked taxes and life generally as a Kenyan.
  • Do you have feedback on this story? E-mail: [email protected]

I sat in an interview panel in September where one of the panellists dismissed a candidate who was perfect on paper.

He said she was unteachable and we all agreed with his assessment about the candidate's attitude.

DEFENSIVE TO THE CORE

Her responses to the interview questions were perfect but she got very defensive when the panel raised concerns related to her previous roles. 

Needless to say, we chose a different candidate who had a less glossy CV but had the right attitude.

The second candidate won us over when she admitted that indeed, we learn something every day, and that she was ready and willing to learn the new business model that our client was particular about.

In a nutshell, she demonstrated to us that she was teachable.

This experience made me reflect on what makes us teachable as human beings and reminded me that it is through reading a novel that I came across a character that eerily sounded like me, then like my husband. The same character also was my neighbour’s incarnate.

The neighbour upstairs that constantly complained about everything under the sun. From parking slots to noisy neighbours, to omena-frying neighbours, no topic was left untouched.

I have no idea how people that do not read widely manage to survive the delicate art of parenting, marriage, career, in laws, bad politics, hiked taxes and life generally as Kenyans.

TAKES YOU PLACES

Reading a novel not only takes you to places that you will never go to but also introduces you to deeply intriguing characters. It also opens your mind to ideas and possibilities you would never have dreamed of.

Before marriage and babies and bills, I used to read a book a week. I am lucky today if I complete two books in a month, which should explain why it has become a herculean task to survive the above mentioned general life of a Kenyan.

I had no idea that marriage would cramp my style and that I would be my neighbour who complains about everything. The character did a lot of projection, something I have learned that we all do, especially as couples.

We mostly look at the other’s specks but rarely if ever at our glaring logs.

More accurately, we point out the logs in our spouse’s eyes. Which reminds me of an incident with hubby the other day.

“You take me for granted, you no longer treat me like you did before,” I complained.

“What about you? You take me for granted a lot.”

“How?”

“For example the pineapple juice. You no longer make that for me.”

NOTHING LIKE WIFE MATERIAL

A while back, I wrote in this column that there is nothing like wife material or husband material. That each person is unique, and it that it should be the joy and honour of the couples to spend the rest of their life unwrapping the different layers that makes their spouse who they are.

The second we get into a marriage with a set mind about the kind of woman that a wife should be, or a husband must be, it will be the start of a mediocre relationship.

The minute we understand that each person is on a learning journey, navigating the ups and downs, then we become malleable and teachable.

It is through reading that we become teachable. The commitment to read a book, especially fiction, will make you a deep and interesting spouse. You learn about relationships, you unlearn the bad habits you picked from your wounded parents and you adopt new ways and habits that make you a more loving, less whiny person.

Do not be that mediocre person that last read a book in high school because how will you know that you don’t know?

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Do you have feedback on this story? E-mail: [email protected]