JUST BRENDA: I'm beautiful and sexy but always the side chick, help!

Dear Brenda,

 I'm a sexy young girl with a lot of insecurities. I've never been in a loving relationship. I’m always afraid to get too involved emotionally with someone and at the end of the day I still end up falling in love after sex with the wrong person.

They seem so perfect but they treat me like garbage. I'm a smart beautiful young woman with a lot to offer.

I am an amazing person but I just realised today that I have always been the side chick to all the guys I've ever dated or slept with and it's sad because I always thought I had it all figured out.

When I'm with them, they make me feel special. Sometimes I feel like I'm the problem because I am a very complicated person but I try my best to understand the next person next to me and make them feel appreciated. How come no one cares about my feelings? Is it because I'm a pushover?

Am I doing something wrong? I think I'm a nice person a push over maybe but my friends think I'm the opposite of that.

They say that I'm bossy. I’ve never opened up to someone about my true feelings before but I show them. Why am I always the side chick? I didn't even know all these years...It's just sad.

Hey sexy young girl,

I'm glad you're so confident in yourself and your abilities. I am also glad that you are aware that something seems to be the problem here, in spite of your awareness. That's the first step, at least. If you have always been the side chick, do you go into it knowing this or do you find out in the middle? And when you find out, do you leave, or hope things will change? There feels like there are a lot of gaps in your story, like what you assume your friends think of you, but from what I've been able to piece together, if you don't want to be the side piece, then stop being the side piece. At this point it sounds like you've had enough experience to smell a taken man a mile away. Avoid the sort who isn't going to give you what you want, which is a loving relationship. And fear won't get you anywhere. You can stay in a shell and expect Prince Charming to come knocking on your door, but that only happens in the movies. In the real world, it's probably the guy from Kenya Power coming to cut your stima. Get out there. No one else will do it for you.