JUST BRENDA: I think my Christian wife is cheating on me

Hi Brenda,

I’m a 38-year-old university professor.

My wife goes to church every Sunday but I don’t accompany her. Whenever I go through her phone, her photo gallery is full of pictures of notable men holding her.

When I enquire about it, she always tells me they are "brothers in Christ" and when I ask why they hold her on the hips or hug her, she says it’s “the love of Christ".

She keeps receiving messages like “Praise God dear” from notable senior officials in Kenya like a cabinet minister and a permanent secretary who are also church members.

Amazingly, she have risen ladder from research officer to executive director in the ministry in only six months. .

I’m  now confused and need your advice.

Prof,

There is definitely some type of loving going on in your wife's church, and it is definitely not agape. Think more along the lines of eros, with a side of deceit.

Let's say, for a minute, that nothing is going on with your wife and the men in your phone. If she knows it offends you, is it something that she should keep doing?

There is such a thing as ignorant disrespect, but this sounds like she knows she is disrespecting you and continues to do it, regardless of you making your discomfort known. What kind of relationship is that?

And in which church do men hold other women's wives by the hips? Surely, everything smacks wrong about this situation. She should be holding on to her Bible if Christ is her aim, and not his creations.

Praise God dear? Dear me! You could confront her and leave, because confronting the men won't make a difference or make sense, seeing as she is the one in a marriage with you, and not them.

Tell her to choose, and then walk out when she chooses her executive director position over you – which she is already doing, in all but speech. Start looking for an apartment and move in with your dignity.

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