JUST BRENDA: My friend is in an abusive relationship

Hi,

My problem is a bit odd. But anyway, here goes. What would you say to a friend who is an abusive relationship?

He beats her up and uses her money but when we ask her to leave, she says he needs her and that he also has a child who needs her. Short of kidnapping her, we don’t know how to handle the situation.

Hi,

You cannot care for someone more than they care for themselves. Your responsibility as a human being is first and foremost to yourself and your mental health and comfort.

Then, to your family and the environment. Maybe the 6th ring down is when you can start sparing emotional labour for those who do not care about their first line of defence.

As her friend, it is your responsibility to tell her what you think, offer her advice and counselling (preferably professional) and help her when she hopefully makes a decision that makes sense for herself, her body and her peace of mind.

And her money! Ask her what she wants, and then hold her to it. Be her friend and try and get her help.

Past a certain point, her anchor will start to weigh you down as well, then you can ask yourself what you want as well at that point. Are you also in the relationship? No. You're not.

Even if you kidnap her, if she isn't ready and willing and committed to leave, she'll go back.

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