JUST BRENDA: People call me fat, it's killing my self-esteem

Hi Brenda,

I am in university and I am tired of people shaming me because of how I look. I am big-bodied, most relatives on mum’s side are too.

People always make fun of me. I have tried diets and many things but I am still big.

I am losing my self-esteem and my grades are dropping. A guy I liked said he doesn’t date fat girls.

If he doesn't date fat girls, then he clearly has a skinny brain lacking nutrients and a healthy supply of sense. Don't get me wrong, everyone is allowed their preference, so just try and find someone preferably more intelligent who prefers you.

Listen, body image is a precarious and scary thing, and you have a choice, at this juncture in your life, to make a decision about what you want to be, in relation to who you are now.

How do you feel about your body? Do you like it? Do you not? If you do, love it and accept it because no one else is going to do it for you. If not, what is it that you feel like you want to or should change?

For example, if you want to be fitter, there are steps you can take to do that. It is entirely possible to be big-boned and fit, by the way – skinny is not the only representation of health. If you can't change it, then leave it.

The way you love your body will teach other people how to love it.

And for your naysayers, simply walk away. Their shaming is not worth your time, or your response. Tell them they need to either mind their own business or look away if your body bothers them so much, and then exit left.

Finally – and I'm sorry this is so long – please see a professional nutritionist or counsellor at your school. Mental and physical change take some time, and it's okay for you to not be okay.

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