JUST BRENDA: My girlfriend and I have clashing personalities

Hi Brenda,

My girlfriend and I have different personalities and sometimes I find it difficult to understand her.

Most of the time, she is quiet and calm. But when she is angry, she gets so moody the house gets cold, literary. She doesn’t argue, but she doesn’t talk either when she is angry at me. That scares me so much. I am the type who shouts when I’m angry to let off steam and this makes her unhappy and moody.

After a disagreement, my girlfriend prefers to talk only after she has calmed down but I always want to fight there and then and solve the issue at that moment. That’s how we did it in my family.

What can we do? We really love each other and we have talked about this difference in solving disagreements, but we still don’t know how to solve the situation.

That’s the only thing that worries me about our relationship because everything else seems to work out fine with both of us able to make a few compromises here and there.

Hi,

It sounds like you have a normal relationship, to be honest. This is a good problem to fix, simply because of that – it is fixable.

People with different personalities have to figure out how to fight right. You can't expect her to act the way you and your family did in your house, okay? That's not how it works. Maybe she is reacting to you the way they used to do in her own family, think about that for a second.

Listen, if she needs to be alone, let her be alone. Sometimes, you can solve the problem your way, by speaking immediately, and sometimes, you can try hers. It isn't like a few minutes or hours away from each other will immediately stop the fight.

You'll still talk about it at some point – it just does not have to be immediately. She needs to manage her anger a little bit better as well, but that's another story altogether. Okay?

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