JUST BRENDA: He's angry that I won't let him pay my rent

Hi Brenda,

I am dating an older guy. He insisted on paying my rent, saying he was a man who takes care of his woman.

When I refused, he got angry and accused me of not committing to the relationship. So, last year, I let him give me money for rent.

But he started demanding sex all the time, and it seemed he did not get satisfied. And he came around too often. I got tired. I needed my space too, but he said it is as much his house as he pays rent.

So in March we fought and I told him to stop paying rent and refused to take his money. Now he complains that I don’t want to see him and I mistreat him.

The only thing that changed is I can now decide when he can come over.

I love him, but I feel he was using the rent issue like a transaction for sex.

There seems to be a big problem this month with the men all the women are writing in about.

There's a very distinct sense of ownership that men feel, as if they are entitled to the bodies and the time of the women they are intimate with.

News flash: YOUR MAN DOES NOT OWN YOU. Regardless of what he is paying for. Regardless of how much he's giving you. No matter how long you have been together. Even if you think you're in love, or actually are.

And it is ironic, because the exact reason you were refusing (discomfort with him paying, wanting to be independent, thinking he'll use it against you, whatever the reason may be) is now the exact thing he's doing that you were fearing. How dare he? Did you ask him for the money? No.

What kind of man is this, so intent on providing, only so that he can make you dance to his tune?

Strings attached to money given supposedly for provision just make you a puppet if you did not initially agree to those kind of terms (that's a whole different conversation).

You have read the situation correctly. That man does not love you. He loves the idea of owning and controlling you. Either go to therapy to make him understand what issues he has and how he equates money to love and sex (like barter trade) or flee for the hills – or your own rented place that you pay for. Men lately. Che!

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