WIFESPEAK: Men are wired to miss signals from women

A woman’s emotions play a big part in a conversation. And men are completely clueless at reading and interpreting emotions.

PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • A woman’s emotions play a big part in a conversation.
  • And men are completely clueless at reading and interpreting emotions.
  • There is a joke that arguing with your wife is a lot like trying to read the terms of use on the internet. In the end, you just give up and go, “I Agree.”

“Today I drew my dream,” our six-year-old daughter announced when she came home from school.

“What dream?” I asked.

“Our Sunday school teacher said someone should follow their dream.”

“So, what is your dream?”

“You see mom; a dream comes when you sleep. So you must follow it,” she said, lowering her voice and using gestures to elaborate.  

QUIET TIME FOR MY SIX-YEAR-OLD

She went on to narrate that during break, she had informed her teacher that she needed some quiet time alone in order to draw a dream she had the previous night. Curious, I repeated my question.

“So, what is your dream?”

“It is like a Christmas tree but with a lot of stars and silver. Different colours of silver.”

“And how do you follow it?”

I could see she was trying to be patient with me.

“You first dream. Then you follow it.”

“You mean, you draw it first and then follow it? How?”

I broke the first cardinal rule of parenting by asking more than one question at a go.

“Do big people dream?”

DIFFERENT OPINION

She was clearly exasperated that I could not grasp as simple a concept as dreams.  We had a lengthy conversation about dreams. She reminded me that Joseph of the bible had a dream and he followed it to Egypt so his family could not starve. I gave up. I think I undid the Sunday school lesson on dreams.

 My daughter’s understanding of a dream was simple. You sleep, dream, then find a way to capture that dream such as drawing it out. After that you follow the dream. Never mind she did not disclose how she was going to follow the shiny tree.

Contrary to our little darling’s perspective, I understood dreams to the visions in your heart and mind, not in your sleep.

It is not just my daughter. I have experienced the same with my hubby on multiple occasions. I often realise, well into a discussion with him, that we are onto two very different paths. Same terminologies, but completely different interpretations.  

EMOTIONS

A woman’s emotions play a big part in a conversation. And men are completely clueless at reading and interpreting emotions. There is a joke that arguing with your wife is a lot like trying to read the terms of use on the internet. In the end, you just give up and go, “I Agree.”

One of my girlfriends attributes this common miscommunication between couples to ethnocentrism.

“Think of a husband tribe and wife tribe. Each judges the other’s tribe, thinking theirs is superior to the other.”

READ THE MOOD

True, I do judge hubby from a woman’s viewpoint. For example, I do not understand how he fails to see that sometimes I just want to cuddle without necessarily getting into ‘serious’ stuff. Or that silence from a woman means that she is prompting you for a deep heart to heart conversation.

Have you heard this one? John feels that he is now ready for marriage. So he turns to his dad and asks;

“Dad, what’s it like to be married?”

His dad does not look at him but instead snorts.

“Leave me alone.”

John moves away, switches on the TV and gets engrossed in a documentary. His dad walks to him and asks,

“Why are you ignoring me? You prefer the TV than talking to me?”

John is dumbfounded.

“But you just told me…” his father interrupts him,

“That’s how it is like to be married.”