I have feelings for my childhood sweetheart...but we're both married now

Dear Brenda,

I am a 37-year-old married man. I’ve been married for eight years. I recently started flirting with my childhood sweetheart, who is also married, on WhatsApp and I’ve developed feelings for her. We come from the same village but work in different towns. I have a feeling that I will go the  full length if we meet which I know could be quite a disaster. The problem is, I don’t want to disappoint her as she is insisting she wants to feel what she missed out as we never got intimate during the time we had a kind of ‘relationship’. Please help!

I am sure you know that you are cheating on your wife. Cheating isn't always a physical aspect, but also an emotional aspect, in which you allow yourself to get close to someone else, whether physically or emotionally, to the same level or past that of your wife.

So you need to look long and hard at what your relationship means to you. Eight years is no joke. If you get found out, there is a chance that your marriage will end. What is the end goal here? A roll in the hay to quench nostalgic desires?

Is your selfishness really worth sacrificing your entire life over? If some then feel free to follow your phallus. What happens after this?

Will it become an affair? Will you get a second wife if she leaves her man? What if she announces your indiscretion? I know I sound harsh, but surely, marriage is meant to be broken by more than normal human desires – because yes, it is normal to be attracted to other people.

What matters is how you act on those attractions. You say you don't want to disappoint your ex, but your ex's feelings are really none of your concern. The number one woman in your life who you should be worried about disappointing is your partner. Try and remember that.

Do you have a problem to share with Just Brenda? E-mail: [email protected]