DAD STORIES: The ups and downs in my fatherhood journey

Constable Felix Munene with his son Collins (left) and daughter Ashley (right). PHOTO | COURTESY

What you need to know:

  • His wife bravely battled cancer. But on October 30, 2015, she passed away.
  • "I lost a pearl of womankind, a friend, and a confidant; a great mother to my children. Everything ached."
  • He became a single father and took care of his children himself.
  • Follow #DadStoriesKE for more stories like these or visit this Father's Day 2018 link.

On Christmas Eve in 2003, a young man took a winding path through the rolling hills that led to a smoky village. He had been invited to a traditional circumcision ceremony to usher in new initiates to the society. The young man was Constable Felix Munene. That evening, Munene met the love of his life.

“She stood averagely tall in green and yellow floral kitenge. It flowed in all glory to her slightly steeped, strapped black shoes. A matching headscarf was artistically curled around her head. Her dark melanin glowed. Her eyes had an intense sparkle. ‘My name is Jacqueline Gatumwa, but call me Gatumwa’, she introduced herself gracefully. My heart thumped like mad”.

In June 2005 Munene asked for Gatumwa’s hand in marriage in the Meru ‘traditional way’.

“Gatumwa, let’s build a boma. I want you to be the mother of my children. Marry me Jacqueline Gatumwa,” Munene blurted out amid glistening streaks of sweat.

The two lovebirds exchanged their marriage vows on August 18, 2005 at PCEA church in Mikinduri. A new life’s chapter yanked open. Their diamond rings glinted into the future. Ashley, their first born child came forth on June 2007 and the second child, Collins, was born in June 2011.

“She (Gatumwa) worked like a lioness – determined and focused. Her clothes’ business prospered. We brought the best out of each other. Laughter and mirth filled our days before sadness engulfed us”.

SICKNESS

“It (the illness) was unexpected. On May 2011 she felt a jab of pain on her left leg. Each day the leg ached more and her face became ashen. I took her to Nairobi Hospital for examination.

“The doctor said that the lumbar spine was curved abnormally and advised that she starts therapy at once. We sold 10 acres of ancestral land to meet the accumulating treatment costs.” They used Sh10 million for the treatment.

In 2014, the complication escalated. Doctors detected a growth around the pelvic area – it had interfered with the bladder functions, causing a stinging sensation and difficulty in passing urine. The doctor suggested an operation to remove specimen for lab tests. The tests results showed she had stage three pelvic cancer.

Gatumwa bravely fought the cancer. However, in 2015, she was diagnosed with Leukaemia. Her haemoglobin level was critically low.

“I watched my wife become frail by the day. When my wife started falling ill, I used to make two trips to the hospital every day to bring her breakfast and lunch. I would cook for her and feed her. She had difficulty eating. She curled on the hospital bed, day and night.

“Before she slipped into a coma, she called out to me. A cold wave of fear flooded me as I held her feeble hand.

“‘Sweetheart, I know you are a good man’ Jacqueline said in a whisper, her eyelids moving sluggishly. ‘I am confident the children will be in your good care should something happen.’…Silence hang over us.”

That night, Munene sat by her bedside in the hospital. He almost cried but he fought his emotions just to be strong for her.

“On the morning of October 30, 2015, breath escaped the love of my life…I lost a pearl of womankind, a friend, and a confidant; a great mother to my children. Everything ached. The memories of blissful days we spent creep back even now.”

Gatumwa was buried in the couple’s ancestral home in Meru.

But the children were always crying, asking when mummy would return.

FATHERHOOD

Munene became a single father and hands-on dad.

“I have not had a house help because I needed to be ever present in their lives as their mother and father. My friends send me Mother’s Day wishes. I decided never to hire a house help after firing three of them for brutalising the children.

“My little young man Collins is now seven and Ashley – ‘my mother’ – is 11. Ashley misses her mother. I cook for them, do their laundry, help them with their studies and prepare them for school. They are my friends.

“I instil discipline by offering guidance, reward, and punishment when they do wrong, such as use foul language. I reward academic excellence, creativity and virtuous behaviour. On creativity, I could for instance ask them to draw their future home and I reward them with a weekend out. The kids are very disciplined. When they do wrong they call me to inform me of the mistake and seek pardon before I discover it. Our bond is strong.

“We do domestic chores together such as washing utensils. They’re responsible. We eat from the same platter together. Ashley loves visual arts but she also aspires to be a doctor. Collins aspires to be a keeper of law and order like daddy.”

Constable Munene later married Constable Lizbeth Kinya and together they have a one-year-old baby.

Munene, a policeman for the past 14 years, is thankful to the Nairobi County Police bosses for moral support and understanding through his greatest time of need.

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Follow #DadStoriesKE for more stories like these or visit this Father's Day 2018 link.