JUST BRENDA: My wife and I are financially discordant

My wife and I are both formally employed but she is more disciplined with finances. PHOTO| FOTOSEARCH

What you need to know:

  • I earn more than my wife but on financial management, we are discordant – my wife is more disciplined with finances.
  • I'm a bit generous with family and friends and I spend all my salary within a month.
  • If my salary is delayed or my employment is terminated, I would be trouble.

Hello Brenda,

Hope you're keeping well. I am an avid reader of your articles and I find your insights invaluable.

I have a dilemma of my own. I'm in a come-we-stay arrangement (my people have visited) and we have two sons. My wife and I are both formally employed. I earn more than my wife but on financial management, we are discordant – my wife is more disciplined with finances. I'm a bit generous with family and friends and I spend all my salary within a month. If my salary is delayed or my employment is terminated, I would be trouble.

What advice would give to me? Should we pool our resources? What are the pitfalls of joint management of finances?

I look forward to receiving your response.

Thank you for reading!

Dating and marrying someone who has a different money character from your own can be rather tricky. You already know you are living in a precarious position, which is why I assume you are writing.

At least you have the good sense to do that. Here are the two solutions I am offering, considering you have a wife and two children to take care of.

1. Give your money to your wife to handle. She is better at it than you are. After all, in a partnership, roles are assigned determinant on who is best at what.

You cannot, as a grown man, continue to live in such a manner that you will leave nothing behind for your family if you pass away, or if you lose your job. You cannot have been working for all this time with nothing to show for it. She probably does not want to pool her resources with you because of how you are with money. I assure you, she knows.

2. Decide how much you will be giving your relatives if you don't want to give her the money – then stick to that. Again, I must stress – you have two children. You really must think of the money you are taking out of their futures and into other people's pockets.

Perhaps plan out a budget with your wife that makes sense towards this regard, so that you know who is paying for what each month, in percentages, so that you can plan for your money instead of this haphazard system. I wish you luck.

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