JUST BRENDA: How do I tell her to quit playing games with my heart?

Hi Brenda,

There is a lady who has been very close to me for almost one year now. We are in the same college and any time we have a lengthy discussion, I get confused by her questions. For example, when I lived in a nearby town, about 8.8km from the college, she would ask me where I live and then say "I think I can also live there". She asked me the same question more than 10 times on various occasions and this prompted me to ask her out, but she rejected my proposal and I moved on.

One month later she invited me to their church. I did not turn up after the first and second invites, but when she invited me for the third time I attended the church. We had a good time after the church service, and she asked me at what age I would like to get married. I told her between 30-33 years. When I asked her why she was interested in that, she just smiled and moved away.

Three weeks later she asked me the same question and I gave her the same answer, and again she just smiled. After two months she asked me the same question and I again gave her the same answer. Her questions and reactions prompted me to ask her a second time to be in a relationship with me, but she again rejected my proposal. I moved on because I did not want to bother her.

Three months later she started telling me that I should get married 2-3 years after my graduation. When I asked her why she was so interested in my life affairs, she did not answer me but just smiled. I asked her if we could go out, expecting her to say no, and she accepted the date. But she changed her mind the day before the date.

She still keeps asking me the same questions over and over again. I feel like telling her that I don't like her questions because they are putting me in a dilemma. But before I do this, what do you think the lady is trying to do? Why is she asking me such questions repeatedly and any time I propose to her she rejects my proposal?

Hi Forlorn Frank,

It sounds like you have really tried to get this lady's attention, and all you are getting is confused. Understandably so, as she seems to be the queen of mixed signals. I appreciate that you respected her decision from the beginning, and only continued to ask her out after she kept prompting you to do so. However, this girl is playing a game, and you are playing a losing one. It is not your job to read people's minds about how they want to be asked or what they really want. Nor is it your job to become an expert at rejection. She has said no. Let her stick to it, and you should too, regardless of how many times she asks you the same thing over and over. Is this high school? No. At your big age? Let yes be yes and no be no.

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