WIFESPEAK: Time to quit text message fighting - Daily Nation

WIFESPEAK: Time to quit text message fighting

Wednesday December 5 2018

Some of the happiest couples I know use texting to keep their love strong but when things go south, they often resort to fighting through the same means.

Some of the happiest couples I know use texting to keep their love strong but when things go south, they often resort to fighting through the same means. ILLUSTRATION | FOTOSEARCH 

By KARIMI GATIMI
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Some of the happiest couples I know use texting to keep their love strong but when things go south, they often resort to fighting through the same means.

Take this young love smitten girl I was at a shoot with, for example. She was so engrossed in texting her beloved that she was completely oblivious to the rest of us. She typed, smiled, typed and smiled some more. I looked at her and smiled, remembering the lovey-dovey texts I used to send to my husband too. 

IN LOVE

“She is in love,” her friend said, rolling her eyes. I nodded in understanding.

“Is he that funny?” someone else asked her. But she did not respond. She was in her own world with her phone and her love interest. I had to pat the besotted girl on her shoulder to alert her that the shoot had resumed and that her tea had gone cold.

When I later got a text message from Hubby that day, it read: Remember the books. Long story about the books, but the text jolted my mind and I made a note on my phone calendar.

I scrolled up, reading the previous messages, going as far back as four years ago. (Yes, my phone is really, really old).

THRILLER FROM OUR TEXTS

We could write a thriller just from our texts. The three-word messages are formal: Come with diapers, the six-word ones from me seem to beg for a compliment: for once got the calculations right and from him the tone is defensive, to ward off a fight: I finally had that wiring fixed.

Then there are the 10 sentence messages that spill over the letter limit and are converted into multimedia messaging. This is where the soap opera content is created, marinated and dished out spicy and juicy. We text-fight, a horrible habit that one of us brought home from I don’t know where.

We can type (furiously) during a fight, back and forth, until we have to get into a meeting or when my fingers and eyes start to twitch. Most times, he can’t keep up and concludes our text-fights with: Your problem is that you are too good with words and I can’t win this fight with you.

I thought that we were the only couple that carry on arguments through texting, until I met one that yells at each through texts. They say that texting has proved a better way for them to fight as it allows them to fully express themselves.

I think text-fighting is unhealthy because many times, one misinterprets the other’s message. An innocent text can be misconstrued because it does not communicate the tone. It is worse when a typo or autocorrect replaces a name.

We have agreed to stop text-fighting and go back to the old and tried traditional face to face arguing.

Technology is good and can only take a relationship so far. After some point, one has to fold their sleeves and get their hands dirty.

For couple goals, you might want to consider saying “I love you” instead of texting it. You might want to write a love note instead of sending a teary forward.

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