WIFESPEAK: What if marriages were like squeaky beds and old mattresses?

Picture of a couple in bed. His side of the mattress hurt my back but he slept like a baby lying on my (previous) side of the mattress. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • While the bed was giving us trouble, I had been researching online about squeaky beds and came across information about mattresses.
  • Apparently, you are supposed to keep changing the position of your mattress every so often so as to keep your spine healthy.

Two things happened last month. For reasons unknown to us, our bed got squeaky and creaky. Embarrassing yes, but mostly very unsettling.

Unsettling because, we would forget about this minute detail of our bed, until at the most inappropriate moment. And like a scorned woman, it would not stop not matter how careful we were with our movements.

My flustered hubby would try every trick in the book to get my mind off the noise to no avail. It made it worse because I would remind him that he was supposed to have looked into it.

We would argue and  he would try fixing the bed position for the umpteenth time with no success.

Needless to say, we became moody and sleep-deprived. Eventually, hubby got a fundi and the bed was fixed.

MATTRESS INFORMATION

While the bed was giving us trouble, I had been researching online about squeaky beds and came across information about mattresses.

Apparently, you are supposed to keep changing the position of your mattress every so often to keep your spine healthy. We had always maintained separate sides of the mattress. His pillow and mine are clearly marked and of course his side of the bed is legendary, even the kids know which is daddy’s or mummy’s side of the bed.

So here we were, creaky bed fixed and mattress turned over. You would think that would lead us to the joy la la land. Far from it. The bed was perfect after the fixing but the mattress was another matter.

I was stunned to learn that his side of the mattress was so sunken that the soft springs had been squashed almost to shrinkage. His side of the mattress hurt my back but he slept like a baby lying on my (previous) side of the mattress.

FIGHT ENSUES

What started the fights was denial. He refused to believe that I had flipped the mattress. Instead, he claimed that this (new) side was always had always been his.

We had a fight over this for an entire week until I got a light bulb moment. I turned back the silly mattress to its original position . The spine and her relatives could take a hike. The status quo was reinstated and hubby was none the wiser. And you wonder why women live longer and walk straighter than men.

Our bed and mattress drama has taught me that married people’s beds and mattresses wear out faster. Hold on before you dismiss this as a useless lesson.

There’s a couple whose bed one day gave up the fight and caved in as they slept. True story. They slept on the floor for weeks, before the mattress became too thin for comfort. They had to get a new bed and mattress.

Like politics, the status quo in a marriage might retain a semblance of peace but it will eventually hurt the back.

Time comes, however comfortable the zone is, when we have to throw out the old mattress, replace the pillows and embrace change. One day, the children will move out and leave just the two of you.

The status quo will no longer hold. It will then be business unusual, because you will be forced to change, start talking with each other, helping each other around.

You can then no longer claim that you are in that marriage only for the sake of the children.

One day, you will come across an old photo of the two of you starry eyed from the injection of fresh love. You will get surprised at how happy you both were.

Naively so, because then you did not know that great love comes with the risk of great hurt. You will be forced to take a look at yourself and have an honest, painful conversation.

Our mattress was once awesome. Those big springy ones that then were made with every detail considered to precision.

But time has come when the  status quo can’t hold and we have to let this mattress go.

Scary, because we don’t know if they make them as good anymore, nostalgic because the memories are priceless, but if we are to create some more memories, then we need better sleep, a new mattress.

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Karimi is a wife and mother who believes marriage is worth it. Do you have feedback on this article? Please email: [email protected]