The best advice I would give any woman about dating a married man would be; don’t even start.
But in the event that he is the last man standing; as in there is no other man around and you cannot go another day without a man, which is impossible, well, be prepared to live with a number of hard truths including the fact that you are a plan B.
You are not a priority to him. Legally, physically, financially and emotionally, you have no claim. None at all.
FUTURE WITH HIS WIFE
First of all, a married man will plan a future with his wife. As they are planning to build a home together, ensuring that their properties are insured, planning for their kids’ education and of course their own lives after retirement, how to advance their education, how to move into a bigger house, what to do with their rural home employees, how to visit their parents.
Meanwhile, he will be planning a weekend getaway with you, of course for the sex.
When it comes to that point that you start exhibiting some seriousness with this relationship, when you want to know his friends, you need a car, you need to be with him more often, you need some sort of commitment, that will be his time to leave.
He will consume your time, probably be possessive. He will be very angry when another man texts you, but at the end of it, the only woman he recognises is his wife and that is the woman he will go home to.
He will control you, barring you from dating, when already, his life is built on a solid foundation.
Secondly, be prepared to always be a secret lover. That’s what you are. Do not expect him to introduce you to his family or friends.
If by mistake they find out about you, he will quickly find ways of giving you a fake identity. He will not risk his reputation for you.
Another thing you need to know as you date a married man is; that he will not leave his wife. He never will. A married man will always taint his wife’s name before another woman if he wants to win her (side chic) over.
He will tell you that his wife is dirty, that she is a nasty cook, that she is overly possessive, that she is paranoid, that she is rude, that she is lazy, that she has grown fat and he cannot tolerate it, that they have not been intimate for the last one year.
That they are actually planning for divorce.
Trust me dear fellow woman, all these are lies. When he is home, he is that loving husband and father to their children.
They will even wed as you two are dating, and he will tell you he did so because his parents forced him or because of the kids.
The final thing you need to know before dating a married man is that in case your relationship is known by the wife, she will forgive him and they will gang up against you.
Chero's Take is a weekly opinion column by Stella Cherono, who tackles social issues boldly. To comment on this article, Email [email protected]