WIFESPEAK: When parents read from different scripts

Asiye funzwa na mamaye hufunzwa na ulimwengu is a popular Kiswahili saying that essentially lays the burden of teaching children life lessons squarely on the shoulders of mothers. If we don’t teach our children how to live, the saying warns, the world will teach them. And who wants that?

That’s why I’ve taught my children to always shower before I sleep. Hubby too, was on my side about this. But a recent family road trip unravelled all the “You must shower before you sleep” lessons I thought I had firmly imparted in my children.

It was an out of town trip and since it was not an overnight journey, we woke up at 5am, were out of the house by 7am and had a full day, with the children climbing and running and doing all that children do but sit still. By the time we started our journey back at 6pm that evening, we were all dusty, sweaty, sandy and completely knackered. The children blacked out all the way back home. It was a fight to get them to wake up.

As is the norm, I was already yelling at the sleepy little humans about showering by the time we got to the door.

‘STRAIGHT TO THE SHOWER’

“Everyone! Straight to the shower! No one should sit before showering.” It is an order that is always met with protests from all of them and loads of crying from the youngest. Typically, their dad supports my orders, by providing an instant solution;

“KM, use our shower. You two, share the shower, so mom can be done with you faster.”

Eyes closed or with one of them crying, we are usually done within ten minutes. And after another ten minutes, we have clean people tucked into bed.

This particular day seemed the same. Or so I thought.

“Off to the shower. Everyone!” I shooed them, expecting the dad to enforce the order as I dashed to the toilet, too pressed after the two hour trip to wait for them to shower.

I came back, less than two minutes later to find an eerily quiet sitting room, no shower running and no one crying, and their bedrooms dark.

HANGING SENTENCE

“What’s going on? Where’s everyone?” I asked hubby who was lounged on the coach, engrossed with the 9pm news. He hesitated, gave me an I-have-no-fight-left-in- me- look and said:

“They were tired…” he left the sentence hanging, so I went first to the teenager’s bedroom, shouting her name, thinking that she was taking her usual thirty minutes to prepare to get into the bathroom. But no sir, she was snoring, or feigning to. She had wrapped her beddings over her head and tightly held on for dear life as I called.

“KM, are you serious!? Do you plan to sleep without showering?” She ignored me and grunted when I took the beddings off her face.

“Mom…” she groaned.

I left her lights on and went to the younger one’s bedroom. My very dirty and sweaty children were warmly-or hastily-tucked in their respective beds. They had managed to get into sleeping clothes and were uncharacteristically quiet when I switched on their bedroom lights.

“People, you cannot sleep without showering. What’s happening here?”

A little voice, wary of holding his silence piped;

“Daddy said we can sleep. We will shower tomorrow morning.”

His sister on the other side, now finding her voice had the audacity to ask;

“Why do we always have to shower and other people don’t shower?”

“Which people do you know that don’t shower before bed?” I was too tired to argue but she had her game up.

“Everybody! The Askaris just opened the gate and went to sleep.”

I signed, wished them goodnight and decided to have a leisurely hot shower. I knew, like mothers know, that those children would have a lousy, sweaty, dump night. If mama cannot teach them that, the night surely would. There is nothing like a shower in the evening to ensure a restful good night’s sleep.

I also learned, when parents read from different scripts, the children spot the loophole that works for them and run with it.

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