WIFESPEAK: Women thrive on change so let them be

Men are creatures of habit. They will sport one hair style for life, wear a shirt until it begs to be laid to rest. Not forgetting the unsightly vest that clings to his chest by the sheer determination of a single thread.  So it is no wonder that a husband expects his wife to stay as is, since day one of courting her to when they celebrate their silver jubilee.

Hubby remembers the first day he saw me. I don’t. You see, he was my student, amidst a sea of others. I was a corporate trainer and very focused on delivering my content. He says he was attracted to my style of delivery and grasp of content.

I asked him what concept he most found helpful. He could not recall a single one.

He remembers though that I was petite and had long hair. After much coaxing, he admits too that my legs were a distraction.

DESCRIPTION NOT RELEVANT TODAY

Let me make it clear, today, petite and long hair would not describe me. I have, like most of my African sisters embraced our short kinky curls.

Maybe it is a phase, but it sure is a great way to express our Africanness with pride and love. My daughters do not have to grow believing that you have to bleach your skin and wear a straight weave in order to be beautiful. And with the likes of talented Lupita as a role model, what more can a mother wish for?

Sadly, our men are yet to get this latest memo. Women are the constant change agents and not about to change. It is true that a man walks his bride down that aisle hoping that she remains the same. Slim, naïve, long or short hair, thinking of him as the Adonis and treating him like the god. And he holds onto this belief, poor sod, not knowing that nothing stays the same when it comes to a woman. She, on the other hand, already has three or ten areas she hopes to change about him, starting with his fashion sense.

The day I walked home with short curls, hubby seemed to suffer momentary shock before he found his voice:

“You cut your hair!”

He didn’t even try to pretend to like it. I was upset that he did not realise how shaving also removed years off my face.

I gave him time to mourn the long hair before turning up one evening with scarlet dyed hair.  Let me help you gentlemen. It is in our wiring. Change invigorates us. Not just our hair and weight that will never remain constant, also the colour of the walls in the house, the curtains, the seats and most important for you to note, our mood.

WORK WITHIN THAT SPACE

A woman is like Mother Nature, changing seasons and colours and you are best advised to work within that space. Let her be.

Ever wondered why they name the hurricanes after women? Wonder no more. While you are like that dependable well tarmacked road, come rain or shine, we are like rain, and sun and hurricane.

Even as rain, we have moments that we are like the soft drizzle and other moments that we pour and flood.

“Your life must be pretty dull if a Kinyozi visit does not excite you,” I told hubby the other day. You see, a salon visit means recharging. I get to read my favourite variety of magazines for free, I get my feet pampered, my hair dyed, cut, straightened weaved or whatever other style I fancy. And I get to healthy gossip with the salonists and fellow women.

We network, have tea or wine, share tips about parenting, careers, hair care, cookery and just about  anything that comes up for discussion. A salon session takes at least three hours and we come out looking gorgeous and feeling completely rested.

A Kinyozi visit is a quick twenty minutes, spent on phone or in silence. The guys come out looking exactly as they did when they checked in, which makes a woman wonder what fraud goes on in there. I know that these days, the Kinyozi have tried to spruce up things, throwing a massage here, neck rub there.

But I think they need to understand their customers better and realise that their options are pretty limited. I mean, there will not be a day soon when a man will spend three hours having their hair weaved or dyed, or will there?

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Karimi is a wife and mother who believes marriage is worth it. Do you have feedback on this article? Please email: [email protected]