You cannot marry everyone, he said

One of the best things that happened to my childhood was growing up without a television.

Of course we hated it at first, but we quickly made peace with the fact that my parents were not about to replace the TV that had been stolen.  My three siblings and I had to get creative on how to kill the off-school hours. My siblings picked outdoors and sports while I alternated between reading novels and engaging my father in long debates about anything and everything  and I loved listening to him.

Generally, I grew up in a house that had a lot of conversations going on especially in the evenings.  I was the most chatty in the household a title I still hold as the defending champion.

My father and I talked about many things but his favourite topics always revolved around the woman I would grow up to become.  We rarely discussed academics as it almost felt natural that I should work hard in school. He never had a reason to hold an intervention on that front. However, we once had a lengthy talk about my passivity in sports.

In fact, any time we had a conversation inclined to school, it was always in reference to me dodging P.E classes and cross-country. 

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I remember blurting out that I was too heavy to run the cross country. “My legs burn, I taste blood in my mouth and my heart stops beating. I am in debate club, that is also extra-curricular,” I whined. 

That afternoon, daddy and I discussed, over fries and some juicy nyama choma, strategies for my weight loss.

Of our numerous chit-chats, what my father told me about romantic relationships is what sticks to date. He told me that when the time came, I would get many suitors; amazing men who had the capacity to make me happy. However, he reminded me that out of a multitude of them, I would only end up with one.

 “You cannot marry everyone Ciiku. Some will be in your life for a short period. They might not be the one for you but they will be your friends forever. They will be your business partners. They will be your advisors. Therefore, choose your male company carefully. They may not be your future husband, but you are stuck with them for the long run. Do not complicate this by clinging on to dead relationships. You will not only lose a potential husband but also a friend, a strand in your network. Ciiku, romantic relationships come to an end. Do not hate anyone for it. Embrace friendship and remember, although you are an amazing girl, you cannot marry everyone.”

My father taught me much about love and relationships. He taught me to speak out my feelings, overcome the fear of being hurt.  To date, my father still tells us that he loves us, to our face.  I come home from work very beat and he will say things like, “Work life suits you really well, look at you being all officially dressed and cute.” Before anyone told me that I am beautiful, my father had been saying that to me already when I was five years old and with missing front teeth.

As we gear up for Father’s Day this year, I  pray that my future husband is following this series of Dad Stories and getting inspired to be the best daddy ever to our babies. Daddy, I wish you a Happy Father’s day.