JUST BRENDA: My boyfriend's child is being raised by another man

Dear Brenda,

I’ve been seeing someone for three years and he recently confessed he has a daughter he has never seen since she was born and that she is being

raised by another man who married his ex after they parted ways. He said it freed him of the burden of taking care of her and seemed to expect me to agree with this but I just smiled and agreed even though I was disgusted that he could abandon his own child. How do I tell him this without sounding judgmental of his choices?

Huh?

There are so many confusing things about this scenario. This must be doing your head in. I'm sorry for the emotional turmoil that this must be causing you.

And you're about to have some more emotional turmoil because of what I'm going to tell you. Your man is weird. How is it that you have been dating for three years and he is only just telling you about a child he has and knows about?

It would be different if you are both finding out together, but this is absurd. Clearly this is a serious relationship if it's been going on for three years.

When he saw it developing as such, he should have proffered that information, because this is definitely one of those things that you are supposed to say. Even if he is fine with another man raising his child, it still needs to be said. And what is that language he is using?

Ati it frees him from 'the burden of taking care of her?' If he didn't want a burden, he shouldn't have been having unprotected sex. That poor baby

didn't ask to be brought into this world by a zip-happy man-child. You think you're disgusted now? Wait for what else he'll probably reveal in two

years – a permanent STD, or his real name. You have every right to be judgmental about his choices. They're stupid choices, and this would be fine if

not for the fact that he is your partner. I beseech you to not make a stupid choice now.

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