I have contemplated writing this to you for so long. I’m 24 years old and a student of medicine. The problem is, I once had a childhood girlfriend who travelled to Mombasa and we lost touch.
Recently, I bumped into her sister who reconnected me to her.
I later learnt that my once innocent girlfriend is now a prostitute in Mombasa. From her Facebook and WhatsApp profiles, she can be seen in company of white men, hanging out in discos, clubs and strip dancing on the stage, smoking shisha and engaging in alcoholic binges.
The crazy thing is that despite all this, I still wanted her as my girlfriend and when I broached the subject, she asked me if I was really sure it was what I wanted.
I said yes.
I’m willing to take her back on one condition: rehabilitation for her. It’s something my parents are totally against and her parents too warned me to stay away from her as she's "good for nothing".
I’m confused but swore to myself that if I won't marry her, I'll be a bachelor for life as I can't imagine waking up in the morning to the sight of any other girl.
Dear Marriageable Moses,
Your dilemma is an interesting and conflicting one. I'm sure as a medical student, you have considered all the medical repercussions of what you want to do – battling with possible addiction and
rehabilitation, as well as diseases that she may or may not have procured because of her lifestyle. This is a heavy burden to take on, which is probably why your family is against it. I am not against this
idea, as long as you are well aware of the risks and amount of work involved. You two are definitely going to need therapy, as a couple and individually, and you must be very careful. Do you love her
because you want to save her, or do you actually love her? Does she love you, and does she actually want to be taken away from her lifestyle? Because there is almost no point in rehabilitating someone
who doesn't want to be rehabilitated. The likelihood that they will just go back to what they know as life is very high. Think of all the emotional labour you will be doing to reintegrate her into society, as
well as her own possible self esteem issues that will definitely affect yours as well. If you do love her, and are willing to do all this work at a risk to yourself, well then all I can say is take some time to get
to know her as a friend before you jump into a relationship. You can still be a friend and help her and love her before you commit, and if you really do love her, you'll be doing that regardless.
Do you have a problem for Brenda? E-mail: [email protected]