DAD STORIES: The unbearable pain of losing a father

Joyce Mwithaga holds the portait of hes late father veteran Politican Mark Mwithaga during an interview with Nation in Nakuru County on May 24, 2018. PHOTO| AYUB MUIYURO

What you need to know:

  • What happens to a child after he or she loses the father? That was the question she had when her father died in 2016.
  • Two years on she’s yet to find a suitable answer.
  • Her father was literally her whole world, her first love, her best friend and her rock.
  • What would you like your dad to know this Father’s Day? Can you say it in 800 words? Email: [email protected]

The first time Joyce Mwihaki Googled the meaning of the word father was when her own died.

“I had never bothered to look for the dictionary meaning of the word because I knew my own version until he passed on and I was doing the most weird things to fill my time like Google the meaning of father.”

For the 23-year-old, her father was her safe place.  The one she would lean on when things got hard. He was not only her dad but also her spiritual leader, teacher, doctor, provider and role model.

What happens to a child after he or she loses the father? That was the question she had when her father died in 2016. Two years on she’s yet to find a suitable answer.

Her father was literally her whole world, her first love, her best friend and her rock.

“I did not need anybody else because I had my father but here I was on August 1, 2016 looking down at my father’s lifeless body. My whole world had come crashing down on me like a meteorite.”

He was okay in the morning and on the same, she lost him.

“After that people would tell me to be strong because it is life but what they don’t understand is losing a father should not be brushed as normal, to a child who has lost her entire world, it is not. A father cannot be replaced, you only get one dad in a lifetime.

WOULD SACRIFICE ANYTHING

According to Joyce, her father was the kind of man who would sacrifice anything for his children, he was ready to go to the ends of the world for his children. Together with her siblings, they all felt his love and never felt left out.

“I remember when I cleared my high school, I was stressed beyond words a few days before the results came out but he told me he believed in me and no matter what happened he would always be there for me and indeed he was. I have heard of many African fathers being emotional deserts, they do not let their children see their sensitivity but my father never shied away from expressing his love for us.”

Mr Mark Mwithaga, who passed on at the age of 79, was a former Nakuru town Member of Parliament.

“He made sure he told us our worth enough that no man will say something new. He was a very strict but straight forward man who shaped his children from an early age. It may sound rude but if a man tells me am beautiful or I am amazing I always answer ‘I know’ because my father made sure I knew and believed that am extraordinary so if you want to charm me find something I don’t already know.”

As their father was a staunch Catholic, going to church was not an option to Mwithaga family. If one did not attend the morning service he would personally take them for the evening service. You had to be bed-ridden to miss church.

Joyce lost her father when she was 21 but says the loss was even harder for her younger sisters who were still in school and at an age where they needed their father the most.

“In a crisis that my father would solve easily , I  find myself always asking what my dad would have done.”

Joyce recalls the last Father’s Day she had with her dad.

“The last Father’s Day I had with him, I bought him a pair of socks and gave him a hug. He was so happy even though I felt like I had given him the worst gift. What hurts most on Father’s Day is that my future children will not be able to meet the great man that raised me, we will not spend a whole week arguing about the best gift to get him the man. I would have loved for my future son to look up to him and learn from him.”  After her father died, Joyce had endless regrets wishing she had done more and spent quality time with him.

She advises that if your father is still alive, love him and take care of him.

“Time flies and one minutes he’s here the next he’s gone. This Father’s Day, buy him a gift, spend the day with him and make sure he goes to sleep with a smile on his face.”

***

What would you like your dad to know this Father’s Day? Can you say it in 800 words? Email: [email protected]