JUST BRENDA: She is only tidy outdoors

Hi Brenda,

I have been dating this lady for the past one and half years. We had  no issues untill we started living together (informally),she is tidy and organised when she is outside the house but things are different indoors.

I am tidy and organised (an enemy of a fly kind of dude). I feel worn out when I find her bra and dirty clothes all over the place.

Furthermore she is not remorseful nor willing to learn and adopt what I suggest.

I love her, we were planning to settle down but I'm wondering, will it really work??

Your fan,

Fred

Hi Filth-Averse Fred,

This is difficult! I would suggest you consider the out of the box option that you two don’t actually have to live together. After all, a marriage is what you decide to make it, as opposed to what society tells you it must be.

If flies are that reluctant to be around you, her messy habits will drive you up the wall. They say to go into marriage, you must be able to visualize yourself with this person, in the state that you found them, and a few years on, slightly worse. Can you handle that, Fred?

Then again, this could be a deeper problem. This thing bothers you enough to write to a columnist about it. And she still won’t make an attempt.

If you don’t hire a househelp, or if it is just the two of you alone in the house, how will you cope? And why isn’t she willing to compromise on cleanliness for you? (though is cleanliness really something that needs to be asked for? I wonder)

Cleanliness is definitely a deal breaker – or at least, a housebreaker. How will she compromise in the marriage in the future, and how will you?

Is there something you have not compromised for her that she is fighting against? Is her personal hygiene something she has never considered? Does she expect you to pick up after her bra?

Maybe you both need to sit down and have a talk on expectations and compromise before you jump the broom…