I've been married for five years and have been dating my husband for 10. Of course when we got married, things changed in terms of courtship, but I expected there to be a basic maintenance of affection and romance. Unfortunately, there is not. I find myself struggling to remain committed to him, particularly lately as the quality of sex has gone down. I have talked to him about it, and we have gone for counselling, but nothing is changing. I think he feels too secure because we have a two year old so he thinks I can't leave. Now, there is this guy at church who is looking for a fling and when he touches me there is so much electricity I don't know what to do. What do I do?
Hi Lovelorn Linda,
First off, I do wish men would realize that the work in a marriage continues after the marriage. The easiest part is getting to the altar. Women also have a part to play in this, but more often than not, men think they can slack off now that they've gotten you married. This church guy, I have questions about him – if you go to the same church, then I'm sure he knows you're married, and in fact is probably counting on this to be the basis of you not taking him seriously. You must just block his number if you are interested in trying to maintain marriage with your husband. In the meantime, if your husband won't take charge in the bedroom, then you must just whip him into shape – literally and figuratively, if you so wish. Let's stop waiting for him to do the work. Get what you want in bed, demand for it, in fact. Conjugal rights are a thing. Tell him when he isn't doing what you want him to do in bed, and stop immediately he does. Please don't do that thing for having sex so that he's happy. You are also an equal partner in this relationship. He must realise that. And if all else fails, it might be time for a dildo. Leave it where he can see it. Good luck.
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