Lend me your ears, young man. Mother knows best. I carried you in my womb, got cut up and stitched up bringing you into this world.
People (your dad) thought I was a tad weird when I continued to breastfeed you long after your second birthday but I did it anyway.
Perhaps only God can ever love you more than I do. I speak from my heart, with your best interests at heart, when I tell you what I know about marriage.
I share what your future wife would like me to tell you. You may not see it that way (understandably so), but you must understand that I am first a woman, and then a wife. I know what it means to love a man; passionately, deeply and I dare say, erotically (hey, work me with me here).
Today’s marriages are breaking faster than you can say wedding. Do you want something different? Do you desire a loving, supportive, peaceful and respectful marriage with your wife?
Oh, so you want her to call you Lord? Like Sarah did Abraham? Really? You‘re not Abraham, okay? Pull a seat. Serve me a mug of hot tea and lend me your ears.
NOT THE ULTIMATE PROVIDER
First, you need to understand this one thing. Your wife can provide each of her basic needs on her own. She can feed, clothe and house herself, thank you.
You’re not the ultimate provider. God is. In His infinite wisdom, God could choose to give your wife power to create more wealth than you. If that hurts your ego, then you have no business being married, because marriage, dear son, is for men, not boys.
It shouldn’t matter who brings in more. After all, you are in one team: team marriage. Of course, I expect you to get out there and sweat it out like a man. Your family must never go hungry.
Son, you must choose wisely what school of thought you want to adopt for your marriage. Good luck to you if you choose a patriarchal approach.
You might as well time travel back to the past century, where wives were only seen and never heard; where the beasts of burden were donkeys, cows and women.
So, how will you crack this marriage thing as a husband and avoid joining the sad statistics of failed marriages? It really is simple. Just ask this one question: What is it that my wife needs from me?
A wife has this one tiny yet broad need from you: security
She wants to be secure in the knowledge that you will never use your words to hurt her, even when you argue, disagree and exchange heated words.
That you will only use your muscles-your physical strength-to protect her, embrace her and never to harm her.
If you ever use your physical strength against your wife, you must know that you have dishonoured me, your mother and broken my heart. Only cowards hit a woman. And I am a woman. If she hurts you, angers you, walk away and come back when you have calmed down. If you ever hit your wife, it is like hitting me as well and that’s unforgivable.
SHE NEEDS ASSURANCE
Your wife needs the assurance about her place in your heart, the security of your love for her. Love her irrespective and in spite of her flaws. Love her even when you don’t feel the love.
Only you can meet her need to feel loved, desired and treasured as a woman by a man. She’s your woman. Stretch marks, curves, moods, love handles notwithstanding, tell her that you love her. Often.
Demonstrate your love for her in small acts. Small acts like kissing her, hugging her, dating her, sharing a joke, checking that her car is working, or that she has the matatu fare.
Break the cycle of broken marriages by letting your children see you demonstrate your affection to their mother, your wife. I am sure that you want a long, healthy and blessed life. Take my word for it. If your wife is confident of your love for her, I can be as fiercely loyal as your wife.
SHE WILL WATCH YOUR BACK
She will watch your back when all else crumbles. Your wife must never have to second guess your love for her. She must never be in a position of competition for your attention and affections with any other woman.
Son, if you make your wife cry because of another woman, kindly know that you are on your own. Even God’s favour will shy away from locating you. It will break my heart to see the mother of your children shrink in grief, your children’s innocent little hearts get infected with bitterness and your marriage joining the ever growing divorce statistics.
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