Gentlemen, that title of husband must be earned

Mr Paul Kinyanjui, 83, with his bride Ms Lucy Kinyanjui, 81, during their wedding in St Mary’s Catholic Parish in Molo, on April 21, 2014. A man has to make a commitment to a woman when it comes to matters of marriage. It is never wise to assume that since he has shown interest, he now becomes a husband. PHOTO| JIMSON NDUNGU

What you need to know:

  • It is never wise to assume that since he has shown interest, he now becomes a husband
  • You short-change yourself if you do not get a commitment from a man but move in with him without even knowing whether he has a wife back in the village!
  • And for the men, if you truly want the respect that only befits a husband, then you must never take short cuts when it comes to your commitment to her. We love it when a man takes charge

A friend told me of a young lady she had known for some years and who was now seeking my friend’s advice. The said young lady, let’s call her Norah, was fed up with her husband’s lack of commitment and wanted to leave him.

“At first, I was surprised because I did not know that she had got married in the first place!” exclaimed my friend.

Norah later went on to explain that indeed there was no formal marriage of any kind, but that she had moved in with her boyfriend after seven months of dating.

“Since I moved in, my hubby is not the same. He comes home late and sometimes does not even show up at all.” Norah had told her. Now my friend, who is unmarried, was seeking my opinion on the issue of Norah.

It seemed to me that the young man had probably bitten more than he could chew and was now trying to wriggle out of the situation.

SHOWING INTEREST

While I advised her to tell Norah to have an honest talk with her boyfriend and find out what the issue was, I also pointed out that, first of all, a man has to make a commitment to a woman when it comes to matters of marriage. It is never wise to assume that since he has shown interest, he now becomes a husband.

Norah had briefly met her boyfriend’s brother but her boyfriend had not found an appropriate time to take Norah to meet his parents. That’s an alarm right there ladies. The thing I have learned about men— and I am still learning — if he wants you as his wife, he will move mountains to make this happen.

Think of Lord Egerton building a castle for his future wife. Ok, maybe that’s a bad example because she still refused to marry him!

Either way, a man will want to meet your parents, irrespective of whether your father is a mean sumo-wrestler or your mother a scary politician! He will introduce you to his mother or sisters, or his close aunt. Now you call a man hubby and he has not even taken a chicken to your home and he will not be in a rush to do so!

SHORTCHANGED

You short-change yourself if you do not get a commitment from a man but move in with him, probably even without his invitation, without even knowing whether he has a wife back in the village!

Even if you get five kids and live together for years, you will always have a nagging doubt whether he truly loves you. Until he demonstrates a level of commitment to you, please do not honour him by calling him your husband.

Let him do the honourable thing first, example by taking you to church, mosque or pays dowry according to your respective culture. Otherwise, you might find yourself invited to his wedding-with someone else!

EARNING THE TITLE

And for the men, if you truly want the respect that only befits a husband, then you must never take short cuts when it comes to your commitment to her. We love it when a man takes charge.

When he is the man in the relationship, he is forthright with us. And a girl does not have to second guess whether the relationship is for keeps or not.

Neither does she have to pull desperate stunts like leaving half her wardrobe at his place, or worse, getting herself pregnant in order to knock sense into his head. If you really do not feel a girl’s vibe, be man enough to let her go and the world will respect you for it.

But if she is the one, by all means go on and earn you the husband title. Trust me, it is worth the while and is only reserved for the sure footed!