DAD STORIES: I strive to be the best father I can be

Robert Ndugire understands what it is like growing up without a father. His dad passed away when he was young and his mother took up the responsibility of caring for him and his siblings.

Despite her doing a wonderful job, for which he is grateful, he knows too well what it felt like having no father figure.

“I do not want my children to have the same feeling that I had by growing up without a dad. I spend as much time as I can with my children. They make my life beautiful and meaningful,” Robert adds.

“When you are a first-time dad, it can scare you. But be positive. Talk to those who have been fathers longer than you, though you don’t have to follow everything you are told because everyone has a different experience and children have different needs.”

Robert is married to Milkah Ndugire, who he describes as “the glue that keeps the family together”. They have two children – Terry (7 years) and James (17 months).

CHANGED MAN

Being a father changed him, and he does not regret the transformation he has undergone.

“I was a laid-back man with nothing to worry about in the world but when I become a father everything changed; I was more aware of my surroundings and very critical of who comes near my family. I had children watching my every move and I wanted to set the best example for them.”

One thing that gives Robert joy is the relationship with his son. The one-year-old sees him off to work every morning despite him leaving home very early.

His son is usually sad when he leaves, but the thought that they will be together in the evening and his son will be excited to see him keeps Robert going.

Little James always runs to the door to greet his father with a lot of excitement, something Robert looks forward to.

He describes fatherhood as the best gift any man could ever ask for.

“It’s tough but the joy in my children’s voices when they receive a gift or when they are sitting on my lap is worth every hardship I endure to provide for them,” Robert says.

He also helps Terry with her homework after and does not go to sleep without spending some time with his two children.

“I have to also make sure they are watching the right channels because I do not want them to be exposed to the wrong things.

“I personally would watch a lot of movies but when my daughter started asking questions about everything she saw I realised I have to set a good example and I stopped completely. Nowadays we only watch family programmes together.”

With the current economic challenges, he says that providing for his children is tough but he loves them unconditionally and he would go the ends of the earth to ensure they are comfortable.

MY PRIDE

During his time off from work, he enjoys playing with his children and going out for family lunches.

“The love of a father for his children is not like any other kind of love. Their happiness becomes yours and you share in their sadness as you are always willing to carry that pain for them and shield them.”

Robert adds that loving his children does not mean that he does not discipline them when they misbehave.

“Unlike the African tradition of whipping kids I prefer to talk to my daughter and explain to her the consequences of her actions. I think having a conversation with your kids is more effective than beating them. But once in a while she has to be pinched a bit,” he says laughing.

Robert says the worst time in his journey of fatherhood was when his daughter did not recognise him after he had been away from home for more than a month.

“I was working in a different town and would go home on weekends, but when Terry was a year old I was not able to go home for more than a month. When I finally did, she did not recognise me and she would not let me hold her. It broke my heart. I vowed to never let that happen again.”

When he first became a father he doubted himself because he was not sure if he was doing the right thing. But he had to rise to the occasion as there was a person fully dependent on him.

His advice to first-time dads is to believe in themselves and to embrace parenthood.

“I am a proud father, I can never for a second regret that.”

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