Gentlemen, I really wish that you’d stop buying things in bars when you take a few bottles of whatever it is that you award yourself after a week of hard work.
I have written about this before, though then, I was giving a first-person account having been the recipient, a couple of times, of items that I couldn’t possibly use.
Sub-standard items that went out of fashion in 1901 that no sober man could spend his hard-earned money on.
If you missed that one, I got an ankle-length white leather coat manufactured in the 70s that was beginning to crack with age …
This time round, a friend was the unlucky recipient, though I have to point out I was amazed at how long she had managed to escape white elephant bar purchases considering that she has been married for more than 15 years to a man that imbibes.
Anyway, when the man in question staggered home at 2am, he proudly presented this friend, who had been keeping herself company watching a series, with a package in our new ‘paper bags’.
She even remembers the colour — it was green. Elated that her husband had remembered her after a long time, she gratefully took the package and unravelled the contents — only to find herself holding a wrinkled, faded tracksuit that was four sizes smaller. Let’s just say that the two are not in talking terms.
Among many other arguments that I shall not delve into, this friend believes that by presenting her with a tracksuit that could not fit her in a million years, her husband was telling her that she was fat, so she needed to lose weight … and no, she refuses to believe that it was a drunk man’s honest mistake.
See why you should quickly turn the other way when you see a man hawking clothes in your local pub?
I am told that drink tends to loosen your purse strings, but even then, try hard to refrain from buying stuff that you can barely see, (first, the light is bad in pubs, and second, sight is impaired at the point of merrymaking) because chances are that it will be substandard, spoilt, or totally inappropriate.
Unfortunately, there is no stopping a serial bar buyer, this one will even buy those ‘A for Apple’ and ‘B for Ball’ charts hawked in pubs and hare and hyena story books, never mind that his last-born is in college and he doesn’t have a grandchild.
Or those twigs that are said to perform a better job than toothbrushes, or small portable radios that were manufactured before independence and barely catch the frequency, or those ‘steel’ torches with batteries that have a lifespan of one day.
Or trousers that don’t reach the ankle and oversized brown coats the buyers will never wear. Or a cap written Chigaco Bulls.
Even worse, some will buy movie CDs forgetting that they don’t own a CD player because they stream movies.
I think bar-buying should be a punishable crime, if only to dissuade hundreds of Kenyan men that throw away their scarce money every weekend, never mind the depressing economy that has been showing us the tongue for the last few years now.
If you must do impulse buying, you would rather buy the boiled eggs and smokies that enterprising Kenyans hawk in the bars you patronise. At least they will comfortably line your stomach.
The writer is the Editor, ‘Society’ and Magazines, ‘Daily Nation’. [email protected]