Fiolina taking advantage of my willingness to help with the baby

Fiolina was letting let me handle the baby most of the time, and change the baby every time. ILLUSTRATION| JOHN NYAGAH

What you need to know:

  • The last few weeks have been great for me, particularly at home because every evening when I play with Sospeter.

  • A few months ago, Fiolina complained that I wasn’t spending enough time with my son.

  • Two weeks ago, I came home early and found Sospeter asleep and started playing with him.

As you might guess, my acting last-born, Sospeter, whom Branton still calls Probox, is quickly growing into a fine baby. His crying is now gone, and he has become such a great addition to the family, exactly what a few friends of development wished us when he was born: “May he be a source of happiness to you and your family.”

The last few weeks have been great for me, particularly at home because every evening when I play with Sospeter, I forget about all the ‘shenanigans’ in school. I can’t believe I finally got the opportunity to use the word ‘shenanigans’!

But trust Fiolina, the beautiful laugh of my enviable life, to disrupt a good thing. You see, a few months ago, she complained that I wasn’t spending enough time with my son.

That is why for the last one month or so, I have been coming home early so I can play with my son, and while she initially appreciated this, like every Kenyan woman, she soon started spotting the negatives, and making lots of noise about it.

Two weeks ago, I came home early and found Sospeter asleep and started playing with him. His  mother had left and I was sure she would be happy to return and find me with the baby. How wrong I was!

“Is that you with Sospeter!” she asked on arrival. I gladly said yes, expecting to receive platitudes. But her happy face changed immediately, as if I had committed a big crime.

TOUCHING BABY

“Did you wash your hands before touching the baby?” she asked.

“I did not,” I answered. “But my hands are clean.”

“What? You want to give my son germs?” She asked, taking the baby away from me. “I won’t accept that. You don’t know what I went through to bring this boy into this world!”

“Come on Fiolina,” I said. “There are no germs I can pass over to our son,” However, to avoid further quarrels, which is what Fiolina seemed to be looking for, I went and washed my hands, and only then was I given back the baby.

Two days later, I left school late. I would have left early but I was  polishing the play together with Tracy, the youthful drama teacher. We released the pupils just before 7pm and sat  in my office discussing a few changes I wanted made to the plot. We left school at around 8pm, and after escorting her up to her gate, I walked home, arriving just after 9pm.

AVOID PROBLEMS

Sospeter had not slept by then. He never sleeps until I get home. To avoid problems with Fiolina, I washed my hands before picking up Sospeter. Fiolina was in bed, dozing.

She woke upon hearing me trying to lull the baby to sleep.

“Don’t touch my son before you shower and change your clothes,” she said. I couldn’t believe it and asked her why she had said that.

“It’s 10pm and I don’t know where you are coming from,” she said. “I will not allow you to touch my son wearing  these clothes.”

“It’s just 9pm, and I was in school,” I said, but it sounded so lame.

“I am not a fool,” she said, snatching the baby from me. “You think I can’t smell the marashi on your clothes?”

“Which marashi?” I asked. “I was in school with Tracy discussing the play, ready for the competitions.”

“You think I have not been hearing what is happening between you and that little girl?” she asked. 

SPARE OUR SON

“Please, get serious Fiolina,” I said. “Tracy is like a daughter to me.”

“Dre,” she said. “Nimechoka sana. You can do whatever you want out there with whoever you want but please spare our son, sitaki ugonjwa kwa mtoto.”

I tried to defend myself but my explanation fell  on deaf ears. Then we went to bed. And we did not speak to each another for the next two days. We resumed speaking on Sunday. I returned home early  on Tuesday, showered, changed and started playing with Sospeter. Fiolina, who was asleep, woke up a few minutes later. I did not need to be told that  there was a problem since she did not talk  to me. I found out very late that day.

“Next Monday is clinic day, and I haven’t heard you say anything about it,” she texted me. We were  in bed, facing opposite directions, every one  on their  phones. I did not know how to react since I was not even aware it was clinic day in the first place. You will all remember the emotional anguish I went through when I went to the clinic with Fiolina last year. She asked me never to accompany her again. I texted her back, reminding her of the fact.

“This is for Sospeter, not me,” she said.

“So what do we need? What am I supposed to do?” I asked.

SERIOUS FATHER

“If you were a serious father, you would know what was needed. I went through a lot carrying  your boy and I am now struggling raising him alone and even going to the clinic alone. Si basi naimbiwe tu if I am a single mother?”

The response shocked me. I was already doing more than other fathers were doing. A man going home early to be with their young son was unheard of in Mwisho wa Lami. All Mwisho wa Lami men worth their name went to Hitler’s every evening. But here I was, doing a lot for my son, yet my wife was accusing me of doing nothing. I did not answer her but from then I decided to be more helpful. If I had money, I would not even be coming home early to help. In fact, coming home early helped me to save money I would have spent at Hitler’s.

Come the next morning, I woke up early and decided to help change Sospeter before I left for school. In the evening, I passed by the market and bought a few household items, then came back early.

BABYSITTING

I helped Fiolina wash our son. I also made a deliberate effort to start helping with babysitting. Furthermore, I learnt how to change the baby. Plus I agreed to accompany her to the clinic the following day!

But Fiolina took advantage of this, and was letting let me handle the baby most of the time, and change the baby every time. Last Friday, we had guests around, mostly my colleagues. Can you imagine, Fiolina let me be the one to hold the baby throughout as she spoke to the guests — as if she was the father and I was the mother! The baby started crying and I passed him to her. Realising that the baby had messed up, she ordered me:  “Go and change the baby!” This she did in front of guests. I was so embarrassed but I went and changed the baby reluctantly. By yesterday, word had spread in Mwisho wa Lami and beyond how Dre amekaliwa by his wife, and how my wife orders me around like a small boy. I am now considering reducing the time I spend helping her with the baby, and I will start by not going with her to the clinic. Or should I go?

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