Guide to asking her out on a date through an SMS

Saturday September 12 2015

To win her over for a first meeting, avoid

To win her over for a first meeting, avoid weird grammar, time your responses, don’t flood her with messages and above all be straightforward. ILLUSTRATION| IGAH 

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In your mum’s day you phoned a girl to ask for a date. Or asked her face to face. But the modern trend is to text. And it works! 

That’s because texts can be surprisingly romantic. And they’re non-intrusive. She can answer when she’s free — and she will answer if she likes you; while phoning a stranger is awkward and it’s likely she’s busy. But you still have to choose your words carefully — especially around a first date.

And don’t forget why you got her number in the first place. You want to date, not ask how her day’s going.

So cut to the chase. Send your first text message right after you get her phone number: “Hi Annie, this is Bob. Save my number.”

No gimmicks. Women are hugely impressed by a man who isn’t trying to dazzle her. Next text, just make some slightly sarcastic remark about something from your first conversation. That shows you were listening and remember what happened.


Then push for the date. A confident and firm invitation to something specific — and give her options on timing: “Hi Caro, it’s David. Let’s grab a drink this week. What works for you, Tuesday or Thursday?” Or you could ask “What’s your schedule like?”

Identifying yourself avoids the “WHO IS THIS???” reply. And the timing question shifts her from, “Do I want to go out with this guy?” to “Which time works best?”

Make it clear whether you’re going to be hanging out or dating. Don’t know the difference? A real date is planned, paired (just the two of you), and paid for! Don’t pussy-foot around, being straightforward really works!

So no “Hey, what’s up?” texts. No misspelled words or weird grammar. And keep it short. Length suggests neediness. Don’t over-text, send several replies to one of hers, or reply too fast. You don’t want to seem over-excited or needy. And spaced out replies build anticipation and interest. Wait twice as long as it took her to respond to you the first time — but not days.

After that, just avoid creating a pattern.

What if she says she’s busy? She’ll usually offer an alternative. If she doesn’t, say something like: “OK, another time,” wait a week or so and ask again. If she’s still too busy, then she’s probably not interested.

Send a simple message on the day to check things are still on: “Hey, we still OK for tonight?” And after a first date, text right away. It sets you apart. Ask if she got home safely, tell her you had a great time, and refer back to a lighthearted moment you shared.

And if things didn’t go well? Chances are it’s mutual. So say so and let her off the hook. Keep it short. In the early stages of a relationship, you don’t owe anyone anything more.

Text skilfully and you’ll have a lot of dates — and will build a great reputation!