Every couple has to find ways to cope with each other’s bad points

We all say we want a spouse with a nice appearance and an attractive personality. But there are always trade-offs. Like the way beautiful people tend to form less stable relationships – think of all those Hollywood breakups!

So what should you be looking for in a potential partner’s personality? Is a talkative extravert better than a thoughtful introvert? Should you avoid someone who’s neurotic? Look for someone hard-working, reliable and conscientious?

Well, an extrovert will certainly be sociable and have lots of friends. They’ll probably be socially skilled and fun loving. But extroverts are also sensation-seekers. And easily bored. They’ve usually had more sexual experience, and are much more prone to infidelity. In fact extreme extroverts can drive you nuts. 

Introverts are generally quieter, less sociable and a lot harder to get to know. But their marriages are much more secure.

Emotional stability’s measured by a personality trait called neuroticism. At one extreme you’ll find people who tend to suffer from stress, anxiety, depression, guilt and phobias. They can be emotionally demanding and often struggle with relationships and jobs.

But they’re also highly sensitive to people’s emotions and read social situations well.

MIXED BAG

At the other extreme you find people who are well adjusted, calm, even-tempered and much less stressed. But they’re also much too trusting and afraid of failure. And perhaps insensitive to your anxieties and worries.

A partner who’s highly conscientious will be hard-working, dutiful and well organised. Self-controlled, diligent and moral. Successful in their education and career. They’ll plan for the future and work towards long-term goals. People enjoy working with them, they’re good citizens, and tend to live a long and healthy life. But they can also be perfectionists, slow to deal with issues, rigid and set in their ways.

The personality trait called openness is marked by creativity, curiosity and imagination. Such people are artistic and innovative. They’re highly attractive and interesting, so much so that they make a lot of sexual conquests.

Think how the “groupies” chase after pop stars! Creatives can also have some pretty strange beliefs – even delusions. And seriously unconventional lifestyles.

People who score high on the personality trait called agreeableness are empathic, trusting and kind. They make very good friends. They’re very sensitive to people’s moods. They always try to keep the peace, and tend to build strong social bonds. But they’re too gullible, and pay too much attention to others’ needs. They’re uncomfortable with conflict, rarely stick up for themselves, and are easily exploited.

By contrast, people with low levels of agreeableness seem egocentric, selfish and unkind. But they’re tough, and do well in business or the professions.

You get the idea? All the different personality types are a mix of good and bad. And because your personality would be fixed once you’re an adult, every couple has to find ways to cope with each other’s bad points.

But at least now you know what to expect.