Marriage isn’t complicated, it just requires some effort

You hear so many stories about bad marriages, you start wondering whether there’s something really difficult about loving someone. Or whether marriage is incompatible with modern life. But actually marriage isn’t really that complicated once you’ve learned some simple truths about it.

Like marriage involves a fundamental shift in your viewpoint. From “Me” to “We”. So don’t expect your relationship to go well if you’re not willing to merge your whole life enthusiastically into your partner’s.

Good marriages also need complete openness and honesty. So don’t get married unless you’re willing to share all your feelings.

Getting married doesn’t automatically make you happy. It makes you married. You’ve joined another part of society. The married part. So you have to make some changes. Like you can’t go on acting like you’re still single. Or your marriage will end up miserable. So drop any friends who tempt you to get up to mischief, and start socialising as a couple with other couples.

DEVELOP AND CHANGE

You get out what you put in. So if you want love, give love. If you want to feel understood, be more understanding.

You need to put your partner first in your life. No one who’s married should have to fight for their partner’s attention and loyalty.

You and your partner are different people. So accept your differences, and find ways to turn them to your advantage. There’s nothing better in life than loving someone for who they really are. And if you really do need your partner to do something different, be straightforward and honest about what you want them to do.

You and your partner will develop and change. So track each other’s changing needs, interests and priorities, or you’ll gradually drift apart.

If you’re not happy with yourself, don’t expect your relationship with your spouse to be any different. Nobody else in this world can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own. So create your own happiness first, and then you can share it with your partner.

Be forgiving. It’s actually for your benefit. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re accepting something bad your partner did to you. It’s understanding why they did it – and deciding not to let it ruin your life. It doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. You can’t, in any case. It means you’ve decided to let go of your hurt feelings, to learn from the incident, and move on together.

Blazing rows are a complete waste of time. So learn to solve conflicts efficiently. Don’t ambush each other, and instead wait until any anger has subsided. Agree when you can sit down to discuss the problem, and calmly find the solution together.

Small gestures of kindness go a long way. Do nice things for your partner every chance you get. And above all, appreciate what you have. Someone who loves and cares for you. Or you’ll never really know how much they mean to you – until the day they say goodbye.