Even if you were the one who called it quits, you’re pretty likely to miss your ex. And to wonder whether you were right to break up. But are you only having regrets because you’re lonely, or because your break-up was a mistake?
It can be hard to tell, especially after a long relationship. Because break-ups are highly emotional, and not always entirely logical.
And even the thought of getting back together can feel scary. Especially as you’ll want to avoid getting into one of those roller-coaster situations, where you’re endlessly breaking up and getting back together.
But if deep down you feel that you were compatible, you might want to rethink things. Because being with someone whose beliefs and values line up with yours is worth a second try.
Maybe what caused your break-up was all about you? For example, if you were just starting your career, between jobs or making a career change, then your future might have felt so uncertain and scary that you took your focus off your relationship.
Take advice selectively
Maybe your family or friends somehow persuaded you to break things off? Family and friends generally have your best interests at heart — though not always. But they can never know the whole story about your relationship. So carefully evaluate their concerns.
Do you think they got things wrong? Do you think you can resist their pressure now? Do you still feel deeply connected to your ex?
Then it’s worth re-exploring a relationship that feels right to you, even if other people don’t agree.
Maybe you were going through some tough times. Such as redundancy or bereavement. Sometimes during deeply difficult times we push people away instead of drawing them closer. Ideally you should have felt able to lean on your partner during your troubles.
But maybe tough times made you shut off and back out. If that’s what happened to you, be honest with your ex about your confusion.
If your partner’s right for you, they’ll be supportive and understanding. And it’s worth trying again.
Give yourself a second chance
Maybe the reason you broke up is fixable? Then fix it and start over again. Maybe you realised that you and your partner had incompatible goals. For example you really wanted kids and your ex didn’t. But people change. So if you discover that you do both want the same things now, then get back together.
Maybe you’ve both realised life just isn’t worth living without each other. There are bound to be some miserable feelings after a break-up, but if those feelings never seem to get any better, then you might want to give the relationship a second chance. Because we all make mistakes. And sometimes we only realise that our relationship was worth fighting for after a break-up.
If that’s you, take some time to evaluate what led to your decision to go. And if it feels like your love story’s unfinished, then maybe it’s worth writing a new ending.