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MEN&WOMEN: Hold on to the sweet words you whispered

Sunday September 23 2018

Work on your loving vocabulary, and the passion between you will last forever. ILLUSTRATION | IGAH

Work on your loving vocabulary, and the passion between you will last forever. ILLUSTRATION | IGAH 

CHRIS HART
By CHRIS HART
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Remember how excited you were the first time your partner whispered something in your ear? From those first romantic words you gradually developed a lover’s language all of your own.

But while one word was arousing, maybe another had no effect at all. So watch how your partner responds when you whisper a sweet nothing. No reaction? Don’t use it again.

But don’t give up either! Because whenever you make love, everything starts with a word. So try out all sorts of new ones to enhance the intimacy between you.

But somehow as time goes by, we forget how important those words are.

And that’s a shame, because even the most successful couples seem to have less sex as the years go by. There’s no ‘right’ amount, of course, though two or three times a week is around the average.

So if that’s not happening for you, think about your priorities.

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Because when we start a relationship, everything takes second place to sex. Later on, it’s the other way round.

But intimacy's a necessity in any successful relationship. So get your diary out and see if you can’t cross out a few things. Schedule yourselves half an hour alone together every day just before bedtime — with your phones and the TV off.

Maybe an evening a week to yourselves and the occasional weekend — even if you have children. It’s easier than you think: enforce early bedtimes, buy a baby alarm, tell older children when they can and can’t interrupt, send them round to their grandparents as often as you can, and fit a good lock on the bedroom door!

And don’t feel even slightly guilty. Being intimate makes you better parents, not worse.

Don’t feel you have to make love every time you’re alone together. Just talk, enjoy each other’s company — but also practice being seductive! Be attentive, affectionate, and let your partner know what you want.

And at least try to respond positively to every approach. It won’t always work, but a few moments kissing and cuddling to see if your bodies will get the hint are never wasted. And your bodies usually will, even when you least expect them to.

Work too on understanding the subtleties of each other’s language — after all ‘No!’ can just as often mean ‘Go on!’ In fact, successful couples use words so skilfully that there always seems to be a hint of intimacy in the air around them — a little subtle teasing and the suggestion of possibilities later.

And yet no one who overheard them would ever quite figure out what was going on.

So don’t forget those words of love, no matter how long you’ve been together. Use your lover’s language to tease, appreciate and encourage each other. And to improve your timing.

Because it’s all those romantic words that gradually bring your partner’s mood into line with yours.

So work on your loving vocabulary, and the passion between you will last forever!

 

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