Is there a formula leading to ‘the one’?

How can you tell if you’re with ‘The One’?

Well basically, you’ll just know. Instinctively. And will suddenly understand why things never worked out with anyone else before. Though despite all those lovely ‘love at first sight’ stories, you probably won’t have that thought until you’ve been together a while. But you might notice a few things early on which will give you a clue.

Like you’ll discover that you enjoy doing absolutely nothing together. Preferring to hang out instead of boozy dinner dates. Finding romance in ordinary everyday events, like doing the shopping together, or binge watching a TV series.

And you’ll talk together about yourselves. Really listening to what each of you has to say. Always feeling connected with one another.

You’ll have started taking on the world together. All those annoying friends, intrusive family members, challenges at work and so on. And you protect each other’s privacy. No longer sharing every argument with your friends, or your parents.

You’ll also find that your sense of humour matches. So you can make each other laugh even when the chips are down.

CHEMISTRY

You don’t nag or keep score. You realise that some things aren’t worth the hassle, so you’ve started letting the little stuff go. And you’re good at making each other happy, for the best reason there is. Because you want to. Not because there’s some sort of competition going on.

When something difficult comes up you stay focused, listen to each other and share your thoughts honestly, without criticising or tearing each other apart. So if you guys pride yourselves on the fact you’ve never had a single row, then you’re probably not soul mates. Not fighting at all is just as unhealthy as fighting all the time, because one of you is probably walking all over the other. The secret to a happy relationship isn’t avoiding conflict at all costs, it’s about resolving conflicts well.

And learning to forgive and apologise. Words like ‘I’m sorry,’ ‘It was my fault,’ and ‘I was wrong’ won’t ever come easy. But a good sign that you’re with the one is that they don’t use your apologies as an opportunity to make you feel bad.

You start noticing that you know each other better than you know yourself. Clothes sizes, favourite foods, worries and anxieties. Everything. And your partner will give you insights into yourself that you could never have found out on your own.

You’ll also have started to develop a joint game plan. And each day, in some small way, you’ll be working towards your goals together.

And you’ll have a deep sexual chemistry. You’ll touch and kiss each other confidently. Making love far more often than you fight. You’re tender, and yet adventurous. And set aside enough time for intimacy, no matter how busy your lives become. And because you know how to please each other, and how to meet all your physical needs, chances are you’ll never ever part …

[email protected]