Learn from dynamic couples

Couples who never seem to have any problems often split up suddenly and unexpectedly. Leaving everyone around them saying “but they were so perfect together!” So why do “perfect couples” fail like that?

It’s because coping with those endless small difficulties teaches you the skills you need to get through something really bad. While couples who never argue are a lot more fragile than they seem. Because almost every relationship experiences a serious crisis sooner or later. And it’s only the skilful couples who have the resilience to bounce back.

Resilient couples have learned how to communicate assertively, and to deal with anger, distress and conflict. So welcome every argument as an opportunity to build your skills. Don’t ambush each other, and instead agree when you can sit down to discuss the problem calmly. Resist the impulse to blame or criticise, listen hard and keep an open mind.

Resilient couples are completely open and honest about their money, plans, friends, phone calls and so on. So be truthful together — and straightforward about your feelings.

PREVENTIVE MAINTENANCE

Never assume you know what your partner’s thinking. Learn how to understand each other’s moods, and when to offer a kind word. Or the space to be alone for a while.

Resilient couples respect each other’s individuality. So accept your differences, and find ways to turn them into strengths. When you’re single, you can be selfish as you like, but resilient couples see themselves in terms of their relationship, with shared goals. So be genuinely interested in each other’s well being and put your relationship ahead of children, parents, friends and career. 

Resilient couples constantly strengthen the connection between them. So kiss and hug when you wake up, leave, return home and settle down to sleep. Have a shared bedtime routine, and consciously protect your intimate life from the demands of work, family and friends. Because good sex is the best cement there is for holding your relationship together.

Learn to live happily within your means, and be prepared for difficulties. Keep fit, always have some slack in your schedule and money in the bank. Get enough sleep and simplify your lifestyle. Take care of difficulties while they’re still small – preventive maintenance is a good idea! Learn from every experience, and try not to have the same problem twice.

Be forgiving. Because every couple makes mistakes. That doesn’t mean condoning what your partner did wrong. Forgiveness means understanding why they did it – and deciding not to let it ruin your life. It doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. You can’t, in any case. It means you’ve decided to let go of your hurt, to learn from the incident, and move on together.  

Resilient couples enjoy caring for one another, and become each other’s most loyal friend. Always there to offer encouragement and support – for their whole lives.