Husbands should be brave enough to take up their wives’ last names

I try very hard not to write about relationships because, well, I don’t think I know anything about them.

Also, from what I have observed around me, I have come to the conclusion that they are so complex, that blanket advice, no matter how intelligent and sane it sounds, does not necessarily work for every relationship.

For instance, the other day, someone I know got my eyes popping out in disbelief when she told me about what transpired during a party she had been invited to.

The music was good, the food in plenty, the company good. So far so good. Until a normal-looking couple stood up and began to ask the guests whether they would be interested in having a romp with them. I am told they were so casual about it, you would have thought they were offering to refill glasses of water.

What is even more shocking is that this couple has been married for more than 10 years, church wedding and all the frills that come with it, and have two children together. According to those who knew them, they often did this kind of thing.

Now, if you’re wondering, this couple does not come from one of those European countries where these kinds of propositions are hardly earth-shattering; they are what you would call “Kenya damu”, Kenyan to the core.

LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN

They live more or less the same kind of life you and I live — they go to work, help their children with homework in the evening, attend weddings and burials, the only yawning difference being that (or is it only a big deal in my eyes?) they, to be polite, have very loose views about sex.

Ideally, marriage is supposed to be monogamous. It is said that having a roving eye, or to be precise, roving everything, spells doom for marriage.

Experts are often quoted saying that most relationships touched by infidelity crumble, yet here is a married couple that actively seeks this “marriage-killer” with each other’s cheerful consent.

Preaching faithfulness to such a couple would backfire spectacularly, wouldn’t it? Yes, relationships are complex.

A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled on an interesting story about Zoe Saldana, the American actress who starred in the breath-taking movie 'Avatar' and the action-packed 'Colombiana'. It turns out that her husband, Italian artist Marco Perego, took her surname after their marriage.

As you can imagine, this revelation got many tongues wagging, with most wondering which self-respecting man would adopt his wife’s name. He was surely a sissy, a kept man, others concluded.

When it seemed that the debate wasn’t about to end, Zoe took to her Facebook page to defend her husband, writing in part, “Fathers, sons, brothers, men… your legacy will not perish if you take your partner’s surname, or she keeps hers.”

Why is it so surprising, shocking, eventful, that a man would take his wife’s surname?... Men, you will not cease to exist by taking your partner’s surname, on the contrary, you’ll be remembered as a man who stood by change.

Either Zoe’s husband is an extremely confident man, or one so enamoured and drunk in love, that taking her surname was the ultimate declaration of his love.

Whatever the case, I have a feeling that if a Kenyan man dared to adopt his wife’s surname, he would be laughed at and jeered out of the country within minutes of making this brave (or is it foolhardy?) announcement.   

__________

FEEDBACK: Childlike attitude towards life

Your article last Sunday was a gem, as usual! It is no wonder that Jesus urged us to be childlike. There is an African saying I like: “If a child washes his hands, he can dine with kings.”  

Mbataru

*********

It helps a lot to maintain a child-like attitude in life because that way, you can relieve stress without much effort, it seems. There are some that are able to continue in the same way beyond childhood and I believe that’s how it was meant to be; living happily like children and overcoming life’s constant challenges.

Mwangi

*********

If it were possible, we should approach life as children. Unfortunately, their mind is a tabula rasa. We adults have faced a myriad of challenges and we might not be able to approach life as children do. All in all, we ought to try our best and be positive about issues.                     

Wilson

*********

Your article took me back to memories of my beautiful childhood adventures. I keep mocking my eldest brother for dismantling my ‘car’ made out of wood which I was ‘driving’ through the mud and enjoying the beautiful patterns made by the wheels. I remind him that I finally made it as an engineer. Then there were days it would rain torrents and we would run wild through the rain with my brothers and sisters, stark naked of course! I would do anything to go back to the carefree days.                                             

Bor

*********

Good humour, a positive attitude, a sense of adventure and determination. They are the basic foundation towards a better life.                                                                         

Dennis

*********

Unfortunately, we can’t turn back the clock to our childhood days when we lived each day at a time. We were naive but very hopeful. All that ends when we grow up. You fail an exam, a business collapses, a husband betrays your... the list is endless. So it is impossilbe to be as happy and carefree as we were when we were younger. As adults, our eyes are too open and our minds clogged like an old engine in need of change of oil.                                                                         

Karofia