Practices that grow intimacy in marriage

Do you believe that some things should be effortless? Like feeling passionate about your spouse?

Sadly, it’s not that straightforward. So if you imagine it is, chances are you’re going to be disappointed.

Think how often your partner is in the mood and you’re not. So you feel pressured and guilty. Or you’re feeling frisky and your partner wishes you weren’t. So you feel rejected or angry.

Because desire varies a lot. And even when you’re making love, the atmosphere can evaporate just like that.

Your phone rings, the children wake up, some irrelevant worry intrudes, or you suddenly feel stressed or embarrassed. So even the most compatible couple will be disappointed from time to time.

It helps to be in good physical and mental health. And your own arousal can often turn on a reluctant lover.

But it’s important to accept that intimacy doesn’t always work out, even when everything seems perfect. So don’t panic!

FEELINGS OF DESIRE

Just talk through what’s happening together. No blame game; just try to spot possible causes and discuss ways to put them right.

Also think about what triggers your own feelings of desire. Everyone’s different, but desire is always a response to some sort of sensation.

Like a touch, or your partner looking attractive. Some of us are quickly aroused, but easily distracted and put off by our stride.

Others find it hard to get going, but once started can’t stop. Even if the roof blows off!

So don’t expect to feel desire on demand. And don’t expect that your partner’s enthusiasm will always match yours. Instead, try to recognise the things that seem to work for you both.

Like almost all women are turned on by feeling loved by their partner. They’re also likely to have trouble getting excited if they’re feeling unattractive.

Both sexes like the idea of making love somewhere new. While most people are turned off by the thought that they might be overheard, or that the children are waking up.

BE AFFECTIONATE

Anger and anxiety also stops many couples in their tracks, but others use lovemaking to lift a bad atmosphere or to make up after a fight.

Anticipation can make you feel sexy as can remembering a previous romantic occasion.

And you’d be surprised how often teasing one another can get you both going. So making love should always start long before you get into the bedroom.

Even doing chores or eating together helps synchronise your emotions so that by bedtime you’re already close.

And even if you don’t feel like starting anything, you’ll usually become aroused once you’re kissing and cuddling.

So always be affectionate as you prepare for bed together. And afterwards is just as important. So don’t turn over and start snoring.

Above all, rethink your priorities in life. Let go of a few activities and make more time for one another.

And remember the golden rule — the more often you’re intimate together the better. Because practice really does make perfect!

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