Support her and she’ll start to feel sexy again

Sunday May 26 2019
men and women

Women who’ve been married for over 20 years can enjoy intimacy more than when they were newly-weds. ILLUSTRATION| IGAH | NMG


Has your wife lost interest in intimacy? Even though you think she’s still as lovely as when you first met, she may not feel that way.

You probably can’t understand how that’s possible. You still love her, and could make love to her every single day. So how can she lose interest?

But it happens very often. Wives who’ve loved intimacy for years can suddenly feel about as unsexy as an old cotton nightdress.

The good news is that you can help her to enjoy it again.

For example, you probably don’t talk much these days. Talking used to mean sharing your thoughts and feelings. Now it’s pretty much about who’s doing what and when. Your wife feels emotionally disconnected from you, and intimacy’s impossible.

So make time to talk! Talk about the good things in your lives. And about how to improve the intimacy in your marriage. Explain what you’re feeling, and ask her to do the same. You won’t fix everything in one go, but every discussion’s a step in the right direction.


Be open, honest, and encouraging. And emphasise that this is about the both of you. Because your wife might feel that sex has become all about ‘meeting your needs.’ So show her that you want intimacy to be enjoyable for both of you.

Modern society has created an image of a ‘sexy woman’ that’s ridiculously thin, tall and youthful. So at some level your wife believes that she no longer looks attractive. Even if you tell her she is, she won’t get it. All those billboards are just too strong to ignore.

She doesn’t understand that you see far more than just her physical appearance. You see her achievements, her love and grace. And think they make her more desirable after umpteen years of marriage than on the day you wed. So tell your wife what sexy means to you, and let her know that you still think she’s hot. Keep saying it and eventually she’ll believe you.

Consider whether medication, hormone level changes, or more serious problems such as marital issues, depression or childhood abuse might be reducing her sexual energy or yours, and if necessary see a doctor or a counsellor to deal with them

Work together to improve your diet, exercise and weight, sleep well, and make time to relax and enjoy each other.

Think about how your sexual responses differ. Appreciate the differences, and treat her like a woman. And don’t feel you have to hide your masculinity. It’s part of what makes you attractive to her. So live your masculinity confidently. Nothing boosts a wife’s passion like a confident husband who loves and cares for her.

You may have heard that sexual enjoyment fades away. It’s not true. Women who’ve been married for over 20 years can enjoy intimacy more than when they were newly-weds. So if your wife’s lost touch with her sexuality, you can definitely help her find it again.

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