Tips for new parents at Christmas time

Your first Christmas with a new baby will be quite an experience. For most couples it’s simply lovely. But it can also be tough.

Because a first baby changes your relationship. And somehow you don’t seem to connect with each other as well as you did.

In fact, around two-thirds of new parents say they’ve become unhappy with their partner following the birth of their first child.

So it’s likely you’re fighting more than usual, or maybe for the first time ever. That can feel quite scary, because you were expecting such a joyful time.

The emotional closeness between you seems to have gone. And your sex life too. Christmas just makes matters worse.

Because you’re probably already exhausted by your new responsibilities, and your baby’s unpredictable needs.

Then Christmas adds all those big meals and family visits. And just when you need more help with the baby from your family, they’re preoccupied with Christmas instead. So just when you need them the most they’re not there for you.

HOW TO STAY CLOSE

Couples also have less time for each other, and struggle to deal with the problems that inevitably crop up.

So if something creates bad feelings between you, they get left to fester. Resentments build up and can be hard to fix.

So how can you stay close instead? The important thing is to nip problems in the bud.

For example, maybe you want to avoid disrupting the baby’s routine with a journey, so you suggest inviting your parents for Christmas day.

But perhaps your partner wanted to spend your new family’s first Christmas day alone. So he’s upset because he thinks you’re being selfish, and focusing on your family instead of him.

It’s bad enough that you’re both angry with one another, but pretty soon your raised voices will be upsetting the baby …

COMPROMISE

The important thing is to see each other’s point of view instead of criticising and blaming.

Rather than being defensive, and making accusations, try to accept your partner’s needs. Help him understand your need to have your parents round, while you accept his idea of Christmas day with just you and the new baby.

And compromise by rearranging things so your parents come round a little later …

And then, just to make matters worse, there’s your sex life! Or rather the lack of it. An important reason things go wrong after a new baby is that you don’t have physical intimacy to fall back on when there are problems.

INTIMACY

So comforting and reassuring one another is much harder. But what can you do? Well, you need to be creative!

Start building up a whole range of affectionate touches and caresses, so that you have plenty of intimate gestures to fall back on while sex is difficult.

You’ll quickly find that “gourmet affection” is far more satisfying than you expect. And will add a whole new layer of excitement to your sex life when things get back to normal!

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