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Truth about intimacy during the first time

Sunday February 9 2020


And before you have sex with someone, check whether they’re even slightly 'crazy’. That’s another good reason for staying sober. ILLUSTRATION | IGAH | NATION MEDIA GROUP 

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A couple’s first experience of intimacy should be joyful.

But love is not enough, and so, sadly, many wedding nights are a total disaster. With everything ending in a mess of tears, blame and confusion.

A couple needs to know what they’re doing, to feel comfortable and relaxed together, and be good at communicating in bed. Then things will go well.

So if your wedding night will be the first time for either of you to engage in sexual intercourse, make sure you’re both well informed. And ready to take things slowly.

Start by taking as long as you need to get to know each other’s body. And what feels good.

Keep the lights on, look, touch, and ask questions. And if you want to pause for any reason, just pause.



You’re afraid you’ll be too scared to say stop if you need to? Then you’re not ready for sex yet. So be sure about that long before your wedding day.

When the time comes, lay off the alcohol. If you can feel its effects, you’ve had too much. Pee and wash ‘everything’ before you start, even if you don’t really need to.

Be 100 per cent honest about everything. No faking. And don’t base any of your expectations on pornography. It isn’t real.

Real sex is much better. Far friendlier, far funnier, full of kissing and cuddling. And that special sleep afterwards is a bliss.

If something does go wrong, don’t blame yourself. Or your partner. It’s just the nerves. Try again.

Needless to say, all of that also applies whenever you have sex with someone for the first time.

But there’s also a whole lot more to think about. Like if you’re even half thinking about having sex, don’t get drunk. And if that sounds boring, then you’re not ready for intimacy.


Don’t do it if your partner is drunk even if you’re completely sober. And if you think that’s the only way you’ll ever get any, then you’re not ready for intimacy either.

It’s not nearly so much fun anyway, and you have no way of knowing how your partner will feel about it in the morning.

It’s true some people say ‘No!’ when they really mean ‘Yes’, but I don’t want you thinking 'I’m easy'. You can’t tell the difference, so always assume that no means no. No exceptions.

And before you have sex with someone, check whether they’re even slightly 'crazy’. That’s another good reason for staying sober.

‘Crazy’ usually means some sort of personality disorder, and getting that close to someone with personality issues could ruin your whole life.

Above all, remember that there’s no shortage of sex out there. So you don’t have to grab every opportunity.

Trust me, there’ll always be another chance. And passing up on something that could end in tears, might be the most important thing you ever do.