How to overcome shyness
Are you shy? Lots of guys are. But eventually you’ll marry, just like everyone else. You just have to learn the right social skills first. ILLUSTRATION| IGAH
What you need to know:
- Develop good eye contact, and learn to enter conversations gracefully.
- Get into the swing of things by tagging along with your workmates for a drink after work. Because they probably have nice friends.
- You can’t be confident unless you think you look good. So dress to emphasise masculinity
Are you shy? Lots of guys are. But eventually you’ll marry, just like everyone else. You just have to learn the right social skills first.
So instead of worrying about making conversation, prepare questions to ask that encourage people to talk about themselves. Be genuinely interested in their replies, ask follow ups and you’ll soon know what they like doing and so on.
Especially learn the skills of talking to strangers. Start with waiters, shop assistants and whoever’s next to you in a queue. With a little practice it will always go well, because we all like people who take an interest in us.
Develop good eye contact, and learn to enter conversations gracefully. Practise simple, friendly greetings and remarks: “Gosh it’s cold today, isn’t it?” As you become more focused on others, you’ll find that your shyness no longer bothers you. And making people you meet feel good is great practice when you want to charm someone special.
You also need to work on being more confident and calm around women. So however much you like a girl, don’t be forever hoping that she wants to go out with you. That’s called neediness, and all women hate it. Instead, just think relaxed, casual conversations, with a little wry humour. Because the only way to remove your anxieties is through graded exposure.
So talk to girls as friends, getting to know how they think. Because the more you talk to women for practice, the more you’ll feel calm and confident with a new one. And the crazy thing is that you’ll soon start to enjoy every minute.
Get into the swing of things by tagging along with your workmates for a drink after work. Because they probably have nice friends. So don’t miss the opportunity to meet some of them.
Become a regular somewhere. Because once you’re really comfortable in a favourite coffee shop or whatever and are on familiar terms with the staff, you’ll find you’re happy to talk to other people there.
You can’t be confident unless you think you look good. So dress to emphasise your masculinity. That means heavier fabrics, darker colours and conservative styles that emphasise your height, shoulders, waist and legs. Stand tall, look people in the eye, and match their smiles.
Learn how to behave like a gentleman. You’ll feel more confident and any girl you’re with will feel special. And other girls who’re watching will start wanting to be with you. Find where people who share your interests meet or hang out. Because you’ll have lots to talk about with anyone you meet there.
Be direct when suggesting a date, and don’t misinterpret vague answers. “Maybe’ means “no.” Ask someone else out. Lots. So you can practice your dating skills. Then when you find a girl you’re really interested in, you’ll be a lot smoother. Because there really is someone out there’s who’s just right for you. Practice hard, and you’ll find her!
