For Christ’s sake, leave your children out of your squabbles

I was just about to walk down the stairs of a shopping mall, when this little girl, probably five, bounded up the stairs, her mother, I presume, she must have been, hot on the girl’s heels. She caught up with her just at the top of the stairs;

“Stupid!” hissed the mother. She followed her expletive with an animated cursing in her dialect, as she landed a hot slap on the daughter’s face.

“Don’t you dare cry!” Warned the mother, when the girl’s face scrunched up. Her mother pinched the already red cheeks as the girl struggled to hold back a whimper, though tears welled up in her big eyes and two or so drops flowed down her cheeks.

I do not know about fathers, but most mothers will not simply mind their business and let it pass. Our daughter is of a similar age to this little girl and before I knew it, I had reacted:

“Oh no, you don’t!” I said, looking at the mother, who looked too angry to care. She grabbed the girl and pushed her forward.

“Go!” She shouted. The girl almost fell, but she found her balance and came back to her mother.

HAPLESS VICTIMS

“That’s not disciplining, its abuse!” I said to the mother, but before she could react, a man, I presume her husband, came up the stairs and thrust a black paper bag at her. It fell at her feet. He too looked too angry to take note of me or other people around, who were now taking note of the unfolding scene. 

Being of Asian origin, his face was visibly red. He shouted something at her, in their dialect, gesticulating menacingly. She eyed him momentarily, a look loaded with hurt and bitterness  then picked the black paper bag off the floor, grabbed her child by the arm and walked away, rather too fast for the girl who kept tripping as she tried to keep up with her mother’s steps.

I realise how judgemental I had been in my outburst. Clearly, there was a lot going on in that relationship. That said, I still think every child deserves a respectful approach to discipline, if that is what it was.

Later that evening, that little girl’s hurt look kept haunting me. I can recall moments when we are happy and we joke and dance with our children, yet there have been moments when I too have lashed out at them. Not because they were acting out of hand, but simply because I was going through stress, either with their dad (mostly!) or work related. The kids are the easiest to vent on.

First, they are defenseless against an angry adult.

Secondly, they are not party to your squabbles, so when they bound up the stairs, playfully, they do not have the latest memo on your mood change. It is only after being shouted at, slapped and humiliated that they realise this is the time when mom or dad are hurtful to me and I need to quickly behave and conform in order to stay safe.

I have heard a relative tell her child off after she had separated from her husband;

“You are just like your father. Useless!”  It was said with such emotion that her son acted as if she had slapped him.

For Christ’s sake, as you celebrate Christmas in remembrance of his birth, would you learn to keep your children safe and away from your squabbles?

Merry Christmas!