When your girl becomes a woman
With girls having their first period very young nowadays, it is important to explain to them as early as possible what it means to be a woman
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One of the most significant milestones in a girl’s development is her first monthly period. The occasion can be traumatic, as happened to an aunt whose mother beat her thoroughly on realising her little girl was menstruating. Up to now, the elderly woman does not know why she incurred her mother’s wrath.
We can only assume that the mother, who was obviously not prepared for her eldest daughter’s monthly periods, suddenly realised that her little girl was making a transition into womanhood, with all that it portends.
Although the monthly period is an inevitable cycle in a woman’s life, many little girls — and their mothers — tend to be caught unawares. I, for one, vividly remember once when I was visiting an aunt in Nairobi and her daughter messed the sofa with her menses.
Since I was older and from the village, I was the prime suspect, with my aunt standing resolutely by her daughter: “She couldn’t possibly have started having periods,” even as the preteen swore: “I’m a little girl; I’ve not started oozing blood.” I had to clean up the mess.
Mrs Regina Wanderi recognises the difficulty mothers have in discussing sex-related issues with their daughters and says parents must grow up with their children in order to be able to communicate issues such as menstruation and its implications for girls.
The family life counsellor at the Catholic Archdiocese of Nairobi says the biggest role in educating girls child lies with the mother, who should create a rapport with her daughter “right from the womb”, meaning at the earliest possible.
“That way, you’ll create rapport to enable you to help your daughter to understand who she is… her sex and what is expected of her throughout her life,” says the counsellor in charge of the diocese’s Igap (Initiating Girls into Responsible Adulthood Programme).
Such rapport removes the fear that leads the child into denial. It comes about by bringing yourself to your daughter’s level and telling her stories about girls and women. Talking opens up the child and makes her free to discuss changes in her body.
Learn from her what she knows and fill in the gaps. “As you listen, you get to know what the child knows and what she doesn’t,” Wanderi says.
Although the older generation generally had periods late — around 16 years — Wanderi’s work routinely brings her in contact with preteens who have periods as early as at eight years! No wonder girls under 10 get pregnant.
Therefore, even before they reach that age, explain to your little girl what it means to be a woman. Demonstrate to her how to use sanitary pads by fitting one correctly onto her pants, and ensure she always has a well-protected pad in her school bag.
“Talk to her about dressing and cleanliness,” Wanderi says, adding that personal hygiene at this time cannot be overemphasised. She must learn to wash her underpants and only use dry underwear to avoid bad odour associated with sweat, blood and dampness.
Girls should avoid using tampons, toilet paper and cotton wool, the counsellor says, explaining that they are likely to cause vaginal tract infections.
If they cannot afford sanitary pads, they should instead use pads made out of old clothes, which should always be clean, sun-dried and preferably ironed before the next use.
Frequent change of sanitary pads is advisable.
Underpants should fit well; they should not be too tight as to cause discomfort and infection, and not too loose as to fall and cause embarrassment.
Girls should also be taught about the correct way to wipe themselves — from the front to the back to prevent infection of the vaginal tract by faecal matter.
What if the period catches her unawares in class, and her dress and seat are all messed up? “She should not be ashamed; she should accept that it has happened,” Wanderi says.
The girl should walk out calmly and seek help from a female teacher, who should “always carry a pad or two to assist a little woman who might be in need,” Wanderi says, quoting from Genesis 3:20, which describes Eve — the woman — as “the mother of all those who live”.
Wanderi further points out that the first monthly period is preceded by body changes, which make the girl excited and liable to sexual exploitation.
Therefore, educating little girls about their first monthly period should also factor in emotional and biological changes in their bodies, including the clear mucus that stains their pants, and which is a sign that the girl is about to have her first monthly period.
The mucus signifies ovulation, which is accompanied by overproduction of the hormone oestrogen, which makes the girls excited. “It does not mean that she wants sex,” Wanderi says.
Finally, the family life counsellor advises men and boys to recognise this monthly phenomenon in girls and keep off. Mood swings, including post-menstrual depression, call for a lot of self-control in both girls and boys.
According to Wanderi, many cases of incest occur at this time because the girl seems to be asking for it.
